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Relationships and fear of change

Fruidf

Hello, this is my first time posting here. 

I am a 25-year-old woman with Asperger's Syndrome and I just started doing the dating thing for the first time in my life. I have been on a couple of dates with a man and it seems to be going well and he's interested in going out again. And I am so nervous and anxious about it that I feel like I'm on the edge of tears.

I think what I am afraid of is the change that this is going to mean to my life if it becomes serious. If I have a boyfriend how often do I have to see him? What if I want to be on my own? What if this changes my relationship with my friends and family? What if people see me differently?

Everyone is telling me not to take things too seriously and just have fun, but I can't when I am feeling like this. I just feel like I should never have tried this even though I originally wanted to.

  • I really do get what you mean. Even though its something you want, it feels like a scary out-of-control thing and a large part of you wants to run away and pretend it never happened.

    A relationship is two people and you should both be happy in it. That means you don't have to see him more often that you want to. Make sure he understands from the start that you like a lot of time by yourself and that doesn't mean you don't like being with him.

    Go back to the reasons you wanted to have a boyfriend, what did you hope to gain, what were you looking forward to? Focus on meeting those goals.

    I hope you will be able to share your concerns with your friend and he will be happy for you to take things slowly. Its all much less scary if you can tell the other person whats in your mind and allow them to help you find a solution you are both happy with.

    Remember too that we take time to get used to any new situation or set of circumstances, that our first response to anything like this will be fear and distress. Allow yourself to feel that, honour it (don't bury it or deny it) and then move forward.