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How do I talk to my doctor and actually get help?

Eled

Ive been, depressed, anxious, for, well for years. Its only getting worse, yesterday, as a result of the figures of IDS's bloody handed death toll, I had another meltdown.

I tried going to my doctor for help, explaining that my life felt pointless I was just waiting to die, all he did was laugh at the 'deep' 'philisophical' problems I am having. It actually made things worse, becasue now I cant shake the feeling that he left a note 'drug seeking malinger' in my file.

( I was trying to make a point that the last time I had a good nights leep in years was after my wisdom tooth surgery hopped up on I dont know what kind of drugs. I was not after more, I was just trying to show how bad my insomnia and internal anxieties were. I mean I go through periods of quitting coffee for a span just to break my addiction/tolerance, cold turkey 1 week to break the biochemical chains.)

So, assuming I can work up the courage to ask to see a diffent GP in my surgery, how do I actually get things taken seriously?

Because I can't cope, and I can cope less and less, and I'm breaking.

Parents

  • Well, apointment made with a fresh GP, next monday at 9 am.

    I thought I'd use this thread to vent, and talk out my issues so I can put them across more clearly to the new GP, in hopes of actually getting help this time so here goes (Fair warning it lets long, berevity and your's nerdily here dont get along) :-

    I'm stressed and panicy all the time. It takes very little to set me off. Its not just about benefits and the cuts and changes though for obvious reasons that is a large part of it. Its every time my new computer does something enexpected, or one of my parents gets ill, or I get an email about some new petition to sighn about TTIP or other internet causes... Last week I clicked the wrong link in a google search and ended up somewhere slightly dodgy and I had to run 2 very detailed virus scans before the image of loosing all my data to ransomeware andhaving my comuter confiscated by the police was all I could think of. I didnt sleep at all that night. It takes days to get back down to 'normal' for me... which is a register that a normal person would call 'very very anxious' and then all it takes to rip my heart out again is
    so little as hearing an advert talking about the "Benefits"... of their new shampoo.

    I'm not sleeping either, Ive never slept well or particularly deeply, but the last few years sleep isnt the restfull end to a well lived day. Its lying alone, in the dark in the silence, where my brain can rifle its files and recap 'things that could ruin your life andthe lives of everyine you care about tomorrow'. I only acomplish sleep by staying up untill I am litterally fighting to keep my eyes open in the dead of night, hitting a point of 'just resting my eyes' 2-3 times, and finally trying to sleep.

    Its not 100% of the time, but, I get more and more frequent assults of hopelessness and negitivity too. I still feel joy talking to freinds on line or making a well recived forum post elsewhere... But it never lasts, its always fleeting as shapes pulled from the pattern matching part of the brain by the dance of an open fire. at the back of my brain, I'm always aware that I'm just amusing myself till something worse comes along.

    Eerything just feels utterly hopeless. Its hard to plan for the future, even looking forwards to a game or moovie I like coming out seems, as absurd as hoping for a lottery win. I cant see a single way anything will get any better. I try to make art, or work on a game I'm desighning, or work on my writing but none of it feels like it matters. Either I'll get too stressed and loose the thread, or some new cut or bit of Tory hate will ruin it, or something else will go wrong... and even ifit dosent, nothing i can do can get me out of my situation nothing I am good at leads to any kind of life unless you are amazingly fortunate, and I know I am not that lucky.



Reply

  • Well, apointment made with a fresh GP, next monday at 9 am.

    I thought I'd use this thread to vent, and talk out my issues so I can put them across more clearly to the new GP, in hopes of actually getting help this time so here goes (Fair warning it lets long, berevity and your's nerdily here dont get along) :-

    I'm stressed and panicy all the time. It takes very little to set me off. Its not just about benefits and the cuts and changes though for obvious reasons that is a large part of it. Its every time my new computer does something enexpected, or one of my parents gets ill, or I get an email about some new petition to sighn about TTIP or other internet causes... Last week I clicked the wrong link in a google search and ended up somewhere slightly dodgy and I had to run 2 very detailed virus scans before the image of loosing all my data to ransomeware andhaving my comuter confiscated by the police was all I could think of. I didnt sleep at all that night. It takes days to get back down to 'normal' for me... which is a register that a normal person would call 'very very anxious' and then all it takes to rip my heart out again is
    so little as hearing an advert talking about the "Benefits"... of their new shampoo.

    I'm not sleeping either, Ive never slept well or particularly deeply, but the last few years sleep isnt the restfull end to a well lived day. Its lying alone, in the dark in the silence, where my brain can rifle its files and recap 'things that could ruin your life andthe lives of everyine you care about tomorrow'. I only acomplish sleep by staying up untill I am litterally fighting to keep my eyes open in the dead of night, hitting a point of 'just resting my eyes' 2-3 times, and finally trying to sleep.

    Its not 100% of the time, but, I get more and more frequent assults of hopelessness and negitivity too. I still feel joy talking to freinds on line or making a well recived forum post elsewhere... But it never lasts, its always fleeting as shapes pulled from the pattern matching part of the brain by the dance of an open fire. at the back of my brain, I'm always aware that I'm just amusing myself till something worse comes along.

    Eerything just feels utterly hopeless. Its hard to plan for the future, even looking forwards to a game or moovie I like coming out seems, as absurd as hoping for a lottery win. I cant see a single way anything will get any better. I try to make art, or work on a game I'm desighning, or work on my writing but none of it feels like it matters. Either I'll get too stressed and loose the thread, or some new cut or bit of Tory hate will ruin it, or something else will go wrong... and even ifit dosent, nothing i can do can get me out of my situation nothing I am good at leads to any kind of life unless you are amazingly fortunate, and I know I am not that lucky.



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