Damned if you do.......damned if you don't

Hi,

As someone who has been recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and who has subsequently recieved answers to a great many questions as a result I would like to know how other people with AS status cope long term. I am finding that whilst the diagnosis has been welcome very little in life has changed for me and I feel as isolated and misunderstood as I have always felt. My partner who tries to understand is often the reason for my anxiety, she may be the centre of my universe her apparent intolerence is often a source of stress for me.

I find if I withdraw from conversations my wife complains and when I try and often fail to engage in conversation I am accused of being rude or insensitive. I find my partners inconsistent approach to the rules of the house and the way she expects me to just cope with it is provong very taxing. It is very difficult as she is very understanding in so many ways but I guess her resentment of my condition runs deep.

My preferred approach is to withdraw from conversation completley, I can happily go hours even days without talking to anyone so pitching in to conversations often fills me with dread. I usually say something deemed inappropriate or more than likely insensitive. 

Does anyone feel that trying to esatblish a identity for yourself as someone with autism is important. I do not want to let my AS limit or define who I am but believe firmly that I should respect it and acknowledge it is a big part of who I am and as such should be recognised. I only wish others would recognise it too.

Thank you

Parents
  • Hi,

    The issue could be one of several things to be honest. Perhaps deep down he wants to help, it is a very strong driving force for many of us on the spectrum, if he feels that you do not want his help he may take that as rejection and react negatively as you describe. I'm sure you understand by now that your good intentions mean very little to someone on AS as we struggle to pick up on the bigger picture you are trying to help us with and we often react poorly to being told what to do on such occasions as we fail to see the point. 

    We on the spectrum often are gulity of blaming others for pretty much everything really as it is often hard to look introspectively but I would imagine you know that by now. It is important to understand that yor son may have planned out his actions in minute detail and your attempts at helping him may have thrown those plans off track which often causes reactions like the one you have described.

    You spoke of your son not looking happy but often we are happy but our face rarely shows it, I am often told about this by my long suffering wife. 

    Lastly please never underestimate his need to please you and he will do anything he can to please you and even though it may take twice as long it will mean a lot to him if you can accommodate him in a safe way.

    Hope it helps and ask whatever you like.

Reply
  • Hi,

    The issue could be one of several things to be honest. Perhaps deep down he wants to help, it is a very strong driving force for many of us on the spectrum, if he feels that you do not want his help he may take that as rejection and react negatively as you describe. I'm sure you understand by now that your good intentions mean very little to someone on AS as we struggle to pick up on the bigger picture you are trying to help us with and we often react poorly to being told what to do on such occasions as we fail to see the point. 

    We on the spectrum often are gulity of blaming others for pretty much everything really as it is often hard to look introspectively but I would imagine you know that by now. It is important to understand that yor son may have planned out his actions in minute detail and your attempts at helping him may have thrown those plans off track which often causes reactions like the one you have described.

    You spoke of your son not looking happy but often we are happy but our face rarely shows it, I am often told about this by my long suffering wife. 

    Lastly please never underestimate his need to please you and he will do anything he can to please you and even though it may take twice as long it will mean a lot to him if you can accommodate him in a safe way.

    Hope it helps and ask whatever you like.

Children
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