Damned if you do.......damned if you don't

Hi,

As someone who has been recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and who has subsequently recieved answers to a great many questions as a result I would like to know how other people with AS status cope long term. I am finding that whilst the diagnosis has been welcome very little in life has changed for me and I feel as isolated and misunderstood as I have always felt. My partner who tries to understand is often the reason for my anxiety, she may be the centre of my universe her apparent intolerence is often a source of stress for me.

I find if I withdraw from conversations my wife complains and when I try and often fail to engage in conversation I am accused of being rude or insensitive. I find my partners inconsistent approach to the rules of the house and the way she expects me to just cope with it is provong very taxing. It is very difficult as she is very understanding in so many ways but I guess her resentment of my condition runs deep.

My preferred approach is to withdraw from conversation completley, I can happily go hours even days without talking to anyone so pitching in to conversations often fills me with dread. I usually say something deemed inappropriate or more than likely insensitive. 

Does anyone feel that trying to esatblish a identity for yourself as someone with autism is important. I do not want to let my AS limit or define who I am but believe firmly that I should respect it and acknowledge it is a big part of who I am and as such should be recognised. I only wish others would recognise it too.

Thank you

Parents
  • Hi,

    Hope you dont mind me asking, Whats the biggest issue for you ? is it inconsistancy? The reason I ask this is because I seem to keep making the same mistake with my son and you may be able to tell me why. My son often wants to join in with things like helping with dinner preperations like his younger siblings do for example . (he is nearly 17 and newly diagnosed) He also has physical problems that means cooking is vey unsafe and he can't carry alot so my normal answer is that he can set the dinner table. This is usualy ok but occasionaly he stomps of with the cutlary and looks very angry like he doesnt want to do this, and I worry he is going to melt down so I quickly say "dont worry about it I will do it". However this seems to be a very wrong thing to do because he then gets extremly angry shouting out that "Im doing it." So I then try to explain saying  "its just you dont look very happy about it so Im just saying you dont have to do it if you don't want to do it" and he shouts back  "Im fine its you, you keep changing your mind so I dont know what you want me to do."   Its not that Ive changed my mind I was just trying to make it easier for him. Does any of that make sence to you.

    Thanks

    Sam

    x

Reply
  • Hi,

    Hope you dont mind me asking, Whats the biggest issue for you ? is it inconsistancy? The reason I ask this is because I seem to keep making the same mistake with my son and you may be able to tell me why. My son often wants to join in with things like helping with dinner preperations like his younger siblings do for example . (he is nearly 17 and newly diagnosed) He also has physical problems that means cooking is vey unsafe and he can't carry alot so my normal answer is that he can set the dinner table. This is usualy ok but occasionaly he stomps of with the cutlary and looks very angry like he doesnt want to do this, and I worry he is going to melt down so I quickly say "dont worry about it I will do it". However this seems to be a very wrong thing to do because he then gets extremly angry shouting out that "Im doing it." So I then try to explain saying  "its just you dont look very happy about it so Im just saying you dont have to do it if you don't want to do it" and he shouts back  "Im fine its you, you keep changing your mind so I dont know what you want me to do."   Its not that Ive changed my mind I was just trying to make it easier for him. Does any of that make sence to you.

    Thanks

    Sam

    x

Children
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