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Damned if you do.......damned if you don't

JDW

Hi,

As someone who has been recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and who has subsequently recieved answers to a great many questions as a result I would like to know how other people with AS status cope long term. I am finding that whilst the diagnosis has been welcome very little in life has changed for me and I feel as isolated and misunderstood as I have always felt. My partner who tries to understand is often the reason for my anxiety, she may be the centre of my universe her apparent intolerence is often a source of stress for me.

I find if I withdraw from conversations my wife complains and when I try and often fail to engage in conversation I am accused of being rude or insensitive. I find my partners inconsistent approach to the rules of the house and the way she expects me to just cope with it is provong very taxing. It is very difficult as she is very understanding in so many ways but I guess her resentment of my condition runs deep.

My preferred approach is to withdraw from conversation completley, I can happily go hours even days without talking to anyone so pitching in to conversations often fills me with dread. I usually say something deemed inappropriate or more than likely insensitive. 

Does anyone feel that trying to esatblish a identity for yourself as someone with autism is important. I do not want to let my AS limit or define who I am but believe firmly that I should respect it and acknowledge it is a big part of who I am and as such should be recognised. I only wish others would recognise it too.

Thank you

Parents

  • It is encouraging that I am not alone in many of these issues I discuss on here and I thank you and all the other people who contribute on these pages. 

    My wife and I have many heart to heart conversations regarding my diagnosis and the way my diagnosis and autism affects both our lives. I think as long as we continue to have this line of communication we should be ok although my wife admits the lack of emotional input on my part is challenging. 

    My counsellor was saying similar things about AS not being a mental health issue but in the light of so much ignorance it is hard to navigate through the world when so much of your life is affected. My counsellor is constantly highlighting ways in which AS is affecting my life, at least I know now I am not clumsy through sheer stupidity or that I am weak because I have never been able to master swimming. Yes my handwriting is and always has been terrible but I know why now which helps.

    I find institutions set up to help are often the worst culprits as far as lacking in understanding is concerned. I have to see the Camden Society (an organisation set up and contracted to the DWP to help vulnerable adults into work) they often ring up one day and espect me to attend the next despite apparently realising that this is precisely the wrong approach to take with some one with autism. I spent one uncomfortable hour on my first visit with an advisor who spent the entire time trying to force me to look at her. I was very disturbed afterwards and my wife rang them up and read them the riot act and things changed for awhile but she tangles with them again last week for their lack of planning.

    Well thank you again.

Reply

  • It is encouraging that I am not alone in many of these issues I discuss on here and I thank you and all the other people who contribute on these pages. 

    My wife and I have many heart to heart conversations regarding my diagnosis and the way my diagnosis and autism affects both our lives. I think as long as we continue to have this line of communication we should be ok although my wife admits the lack of emotional input on my part is challenging. 

    My counsellor was saying similar things about AS not being a mental health issue but in the light of so much ignorance it is hard to navigate through the world when so much of your life is affected. My counsellor is constantly highlighting ways in which AS is affecting my life, at least I know now I am not clumsy through sheer stupidity or that I am weak because I have never been able to master swimming. Yes my handwriting is and always has been terrible but I know why now which helps.

    I find institutions set up to help are often the worst culprits as far as lacking in understanding is concerned. I have to see the Camden Society (an organisation set up and contracted to the DWP to help vulnerable adults into work) they often ring up one day and espect me to attend the next despite apparently realising that this is precisely the wrong approach to take with some one with autism. I spent one uncomfortable hour on my first visit with an advisor who spent the entire time trying to force me to look at her. I was very disturbed afterwards and my wife rang them up and read them the riot act and things changed for awhile but she tangles with them again last week for their lack of planning.

    Well thank you again.

Children
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