Workplace troubles- could really use some advice

They should certainly tell you the purpose of any meeting you are being asked to attend, especially if the meeting is part of a formal process (e.g. disciplinary), as you may have a statutory right to be accompanied by someone like a union representative or another supportive person (some company policies specify that either a union representative or a colleague is permitted to come to a formal meeting, or they may be allowed at a meeting even if it is not considered formally part of a process like disciplinary or capability)

NAS might have some advice and support for you, so you could give them a call.

ACAS or Citizens' Advice are other possible sources of information about your right.

Given that you have notified your employer of a disability they should think very carefully before saying you see not doing the job properly, especially as you have requested some adjustments, but it doesn't sound like they have put any adjustments in place.

They should also tell you the purpose of any meeting so that you can be prepared for it, whether mentally, having considered what you want to say or both. If it is a meeting at which you would like to take someone along, you could ask to postpone the meeting if a supportive person is not available when they want to meet you.

If you think they may be discriminating against you or bullying you, keep a record of any "incidents", including date, time, place, what happened, who was involved, any witnesses, the impact it had on you.

Any negative comments about your performance should be specific - it is unreasonable for them to make generalisations about not being very good if this is not based on fact.

You are not required to give any answers on the spot if you are worried how it will be perceived. You can say something like "I'm not sure what to say, I need some time to think about it outside of the meeting."

It's a positive thing that you have already come up with suggested changes, as it shows you are willing to find solutions. Hopefully they will respond to this by following your lead.

You could ask to audio record any meetings. I believe that you can legally use covert recording without gaining consent, as long as it is for personal use, but not everyone is comfortable doing this. You can refer back to a recording in future, rather than relying on any minutes they produce.

Some of these steps may be things to consider if there are any further meetings. Initially you might just want to find out the purpose of the meeting and mainly use it to just listen to what they say.

These are just my thoughts. I'm not qualified to provide advice, unlike the various services I have named above. Also, I haven't had an ASD diagnosis. I am just taking some time to find out more about it before deciding whether to seek diagnosis. That said, it is mainly workplace difficulties which have got me thinking about this. I have also experienced bullying in a previous job, which was upheld through the grievance procedure. I think this was partly to do with being part of a marginalised minority, but mainly just for being seen as "too different". I think I left it far too long before going off sick (which I did eventually), because when things are difficult I tend to keep going through the motions (turning up for work) and not knowing how to explain to my manager why I need to be off.  If you do go off sick at any point (e.g. due to stress) make sure you follow the sickness policy, or they can use that against you. Also, get hold of any relevant policies while you are at work (e.g. sickness, disciplinary, grievance, equality). If things go down a formal route and you are then off sick, you will have the policies without having to make contact with anyone at work.

I am aware that there are likely to be many differences between our situations, but I hope it is of some help to you to start finding out about support and your rights, and not feel quite so alone.

Treat yourself kindly, try to keep up the basics of good diet, sleep and some kind of exercise. Keep in touch with your GP or other health or social care professional, both for support and in case you need to use their records to show the effects of any discrimination or bullying.

All the best with getting through this.

They should certainly tell you the purpose of any meeting you are being asked to attend, especially if the meeting is part of a formal process (e.g. disciplinary), as you may have a statutory right to be accompanied by someone like a union representative or another supportive person (some company policies specify that either a union representative or a colleague is permitted to come to a formal meeting, or they may be allowed at a meeting even if it is not considered formally part of a process like disciplinary or capability)

NAS might have some advice and support for you, so you could give them a call.

ACAS or Citizens' Advice are other possible sources of information about your right.

Given that you have notified your employer of a disability they should think very carefully before saying you see not doing the job properly, especially as you have requested some adjustments, but it doesn't sound like they have put any adjustments in place.

They should also tell you the purpose of any meeting so that you can be prepared for it, whether mentally, having considered what you want to say or both. If it is a meeting at which you would like to take someone along, you could ask to postpone the meeting if a supportive person is not available when they want to meet you.

If you think they may be discriminating against you or bullying you, keep a record of any "incidents", including date, time, place, what happened, who was involved, any witnesses, the impact it had on you.

Any negative comments about your performance should be specific - it is unreasonable for them to make generalisations about not being very good if this is not based on fact.

You are not required to give any answers on the spot if you are worried how it will be perceived. You can say something like "I'm not sure what to say, I need some time to think about it outside of the meeting."

It's a positive thing that you have already come up with suggested changes, as it shows you are willing to find solutions. Hopefully they will respond to this by following your lead.

You could ask to audio record any meetings. I believe that you can legally use covert recording without gaining consent, as long as it is for personal use, but not everyone is comfortable doing this. You can refer back to a recording in future, rather than relying on any minutes they produce.

Some of these steps may be things to consider if there are any further meetings. Initially you might just want to find out the purpose of the meeting and mainly use it to just listen to what they say.

These are just my thoughts. I'm not qualified to provide advice, unlike the various services I have named above. Also, I haven't had an ASD diagnosis. I am just taking some time to find out more about it before deciding whether to seek diagnosis. That said, it is mainly workplace difficulties which have got me thinking about this. I have also experienced bullying in a previous job, which was upheld through the grievance procedure. I think this was partly to do with being part of a marginalised minority, but mainly just for being seen as "too different". I think I left it far too long before going off sick (which I did eventually), because when things are difficult I tend to keep going through the motions (turning up for work) and not knowing how to explain to my manager why I need to be off.  If you do go off sick at any point (e.g. due to stress) make sure you follow the sickness policy, or they can use that against you. Also, get hold of any relevant policies while you are at work (e.g. sickness, disciplinary, grievance, equality). If things go down a formal route and you are then off sick, you will have the policies without having to make contact with anyone at work.

I am aware that there are likely to be many differences between our situations, but I hope it is of some help to you to start finding out about support and your rights, and not feel quite so alone.

Treat yourself kindly, try to keep up the basics of good diet, sleep and some kind of exercise. Keep in touch with your GP or other health or social care professional, both for support and in case you need to use their records to show the effects of any discrimination or bullying.

All the best with getting through this.