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Feeling a bit lost after diagnosis (myself)

ToeJam

ASD lvl 1 and found out a couple of weeks after my 38th Birthday (beginning of May, had been admitted to hospital voluntarily at the time due to self harm and a breakdown for the second time in a year). Had thought prior to assessment that should I be given the diagnosis it would potentially give me some closure on difficulties from the past and in a way it has... but I am still left with some fundamental issues:

- Isolated and wary of being around people

- Hyper aware of noise to point of no concentration and melt down (especially if unexpected). To go into crowded areas (and was doing this long before 'aspergers' was even on the cards) I have to put ear phones in and listen to familiar music.

- So used to 'faking how to seem normal' that I shoot myself in the foot by seeming so calm and well mannered when trying to seek help - example - yesterday I was on the phone to social services for the second time in two days to find out when I'd be assessed for social inclusion. There had been a *** up their end and my case had been closed by mistake... I went into melt down. Once the woman had calmed me down and got a lot more details as to what is going on than I'd normally give away to a stranger, she did the assessment over the phone and put me down as urgent for follow up by the mental health team... she said that the day prior I had spoken so well and controlled that she thought at the time I'd be a low priority case :sigh:

- No idea who I really am anymore (not that I did before... but this has really slammed it home)... 

Worried about the future... on the sick from work and I think it's very doubtful I'll be returning... no idea what direction to take next. I have a bachelors degree from my early 20's but no real life skills or clue what I'd like to pursue. I do want to do something worthwhile... but it's a case of trying to figure out what that thing will be and be able to commit 100% to educating myself into that career path and succesfully do the job.

As you can probably tell, got a fair bit of anxiety thrown into the mix with this :rolleyes:

Any suggestions or just general words of support would be gratefully received :)

  • Sounds like your disclosure to Social Services on the phone was a cathartic experience.

    If you've been bottling up all your feelings and doubts and not having anyone to discuss them with, it will have been difficult to 'see the wood for the trees'. That is, it is difficult when trying to analyse your own psyche to step back and examine things calmly and rationally. Talking to someone makes all the difference.

    You can use the forum as a sounding board, because you will find in here people with similar experiences. But also writing out all your issues so it is set out on paper, rather than going round in your head, will make it easier to sort things out.

    A common problem for people on the spectrum is negative thoughts and spiralling anxiety. They tend to explore in their heads every seemingly possible permutation or consequence of an incident, often well beyond the bounds of likely reality.

    Non-autistic or neuro-typical people one way or another discuss their issues with friends. Of course we live in a society where it isn't considered good form to discuss such personal things, so they seek roundabout ways of doing this, getting into hypothetical discussions, talking about someone they know or have heard of (actually themselves). But by this process they find reassurance of a sort, and are able to reference their experiences against those around them, and dispel some of the anxiety.

    It is where you don't have such social interchange outlets that things get tough. With autistic spectrum you are unlikely to be good at social interchange and social referencing.

    It is just a pity the only way adults can usually get a diagnosis is when anxiety or depression oblige you to seek help on the grounds of mental health, rather than autism itself, which has neurological causes and is not in itself a mental health condition.

    But just expressing your recent experience is a first step to sorting things out. Hopefully others will join in discussing things with you, and sharing their insight.

    Good luck.