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Adult Meltdowns - autism related?

Cornerflag1995
I was put in care at 17 due to physical abuse and bit of emotional abuse too. The people below who I refer to as my mum and dad took me in nearly two years ago after I was physically abused in a children's home. I now have there names and I am 20 years old. I have adhd, sensory processing disorder, dyspraxia, dyslexia and am under assessment for autism. My parents are very supportive and they have 8 other children all younger than me 2 with severe autism, 1 with adhd and one with mild autism and adhd. 
My university has put me forward for an autism assessment on the 30th of June. I don't know whether these big blowout I have are due to anything related to autism but wa wondering whether anyone could shed any light. 

Today has a bad day. I had been out to get some shopping which had gone fine and got back and went for a run.

When I got back for a run my little brothers were down stairs and I was playing with them. My 7 year old brother (with autism and adhd) was being a bit cheeky but we were play fighting and I kicked him not hard but he was being marry because he wasn't getting his way, I was just trying to make him laugh I just don't know where things go wrong. I just didn't go as I planned.
 He ran into my dad in the office and he came out raging and shouting and started punching the wall and walked off so I picked up a plastic chair and threw it at him and he told me to 'get out of his house', I told him ' to make me' and he said 'he'd call the police' so I said do it and started pushing him and he said 'don't start cause you'll loose' so I got right in his face and said 'go on then fucking hit me. He sat back and was like 'I'm done'. 
I realised then I had done wrong and apologised and he said I wasn't sorry I  just didn't know when to stop. I started banging my head on the table and punching myself in the head. I felt bad cause I realised I did wrong and then I didn't know how to fix it. I wanted it to be out of my head. I sat on the stairs and cried and he went out. 
I showered and went and laid under my weighted blanket and cried. My dad came back and came into my room. He asked me if I calmed down - he sounded normal now too. He hugged me and I said sorry, he said I didn't have apologise to him. I said I was only playing and he said me playing was fine but I am boisterous and that they were only little and I can hurt them when I play. I said I'm trying really hard to not loose my temper and he said he knows and cuddle me and kissed me on the head.
This isn't the first time it's happened but it is the first time he's said that he's done with me but then he came and spoke to me after and didn't mention it. I came down after and ate and he poked me playing and then he cuddle me before he went to bed so I think it's okay. 
I just don't know where the outburst comes from. I'm not an aggressive person normally but I can't stop myself. To be fair this time I seemed to stop myself before I completely over turned the house.
Parents

  • Hi Cornerflag, welcome. It is very normal for parents to over-react and be very protective/defensive, where their children are concerned. You posibly did hurt your younger brother, without meaning to, and his dad lost his temper with you, rather than talking rationally, which would have been better perhaps. This made you lose your temper, because you were genuinely sorry for hurting your brother.

    I am in my 60s and still having meltdowns. Sometimes they seem to come from nowhere. Meltdowns happen most often with those we are relaxed with, ie our family. They happen when we are tired/stressed. I try to watch for the warning signs now, and remove myself from the situation. I go and sit in a dark and quiet place. I see myself as a volcano, which may errupt. The erruption dies down if I get away from people for a while. If you feel your temper rising, try to walk away and deal with the situation later, when everyone has calmed down. Your dad's threat probably helped you put the brakes on your behaviour. How else can he stop you? You are an adult man and posibly frightened him for a while.

    I think that you need to be careful and remember that your little brother, with autism and adhd, is less able to control himself than you, and if he does behave badly, you should use words not physical actions to calm him. Leave the play fighting to the little ones. If words do not work, and he gets very out of hand, tell your dad.

    I think that your dad's actions in comforting you, when everything had calmed down, show how much he cares about you and understands your problems. Look to the future, and remember how glad you felt that you had stopped yourself "turning the house over". That memory will help you control yourself in any "meltdown situation" that arises in the future.

Reply

  • Hi Cornerflag, welcome. It is very normal for parents to over-react and be very protective/defensive, where their children are concerned. You posibly did hurt your younger brother, without meaning to, and his dad lost his temper with you, rather than talking rationally, which would have been better perhaps. This made you lose your temper, because you were genuinely sorry for hurting your brother.

    I am in my 60s and still having meltdowns. Sometimes they seem to come from nowhere. Meltdowns happen most often with those we are relaxed with, ie our family. They happen when we are tired/stressed. I try to watch for the warning signs now, and remove myself from the situation. I go and sit in a dark and quiet place. I see myself as a volcano, which may errupt. The erruption dies down if I get away from people for a while. If you feel your temper rising, try to walk away and deal with the situation later, when everyone has calmed down. Your dad's threat probably helped you put the brakes on your behaviour. How else can he stop you? You are an adult man and posibly frightened him for a while.

    I think that you need to be careful and remember that your little brother, with autism and adhd, is less able to control himself than you, and if he does behave badly, you should use words not physical actions to calm him. Leave the play fighting to the little ones. If words do not work, and he gets very out of hand, tell your dad.

    I think that your dad's actions in comforting you, when everything had calmed down, show how much he cares about you and understands your problems. Look to the future, and remember how glad you felt that you had stopped yourself "turning the house over". That memory will help you control yourself in any "meltdown situation" that arises in the future.

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