Aspergers son who was suicidal

After my earlier replies I tried raising the issue with the Department for Health. I explained that suicide and suicidal thoughts often arise in people with abler forms of autism, possibly because they had greater exposure to social contexts especially in work and education.

I cited the Westminster Council report.

I've just had a reply - on autism and mental health - no mention of suicide. Just all the wonderful things this wonderful government has done to fund research on autism and mental health, but the Government cannot tell the research bodies what to research, so it is out of their hands.

The next five years I predict will be even more cynical and deceitful in the way disability is addressed.

Hi Pauli hope your ok. My son is now 18 but was suicidal and depressed at around 16 which started when he was 14. He was diagnosed at 16 but looking back it was the feeling of being a "freak" his words not mine, and not being able to fit in society with added  no self esteem, that built up in him.  Cahms helped, but what really helped was the family gaining eduecation and understanding of aspergers and not making any demands on him to conform to everybody elses expectations of him. Also he had no outlet to express himself so he learnt to play the piano and this gives him great satisfaction and a great outlet for his emotions. He still struggles alot with anxiety disorder and socail anxiety but he is commencing CBT soon so hopefully he can achieve the things he wants to achieve in life. I hope your son finds a way of expressing his feelings and also you take care of yourself.

Hi Aoch,

I hope everything is ok with you... If you have any further suicidal ideas please make sure you talk to someone about them. 

If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

If  it’s  outside  your  GP  hours  call  111  to  reach  the  NHS  111  service::

http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS­111.aspx

The Samaritans also provide confidential non­judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on  08457  90  90  90 (or  1850  60  90  90  in  the  Republic  of  Ireland),  or  by email on jo@samaritans.org. MIND have  information  pages  on  coping  with  self  harm or  suicidal  feelings based  on  the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. 

If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself ­ call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E  department.  There  should  be  someone  there  to  support  you  and make  sure  you  get ongoing support.

If  you  need  help  with  an  autism  related  issue,  our  helpline  can  be  emailed  on autismhelpline@nas.org.uk or they’re open Monday­Friday 10am­4pm on 0808 800 4104.

Last but not least we like hearing from you on here so keep posting! 

Take care,

Avi

Hi Pauli. I often find that I feel bad and don't know why. Now, if I wake in the early hours, say feeling unhappy/bad, I trawl through what is going on in my life and think for a while whether there is anything upsetting me about it. I have to make a conscious effort to work out what it is about a certain person or situation that is troubling me. Sometimes it is a past encounter with someone that has upset me and causes anxiety if I know I have to meet them again. This problem of recognising emotions is called alexithymia, emotional blindness.

I think you need to encourage your son to express his thoughts in some way too.

I was bullied at work, at one time. I ended up off sick for a month. I thought at the time, that I should make some sort of formal complaint to my bosses, so I began to write down what was going on. I became quite obsessed with getting all the details down on paper to formulate my complaint. After 2 weeks of constant scribbling, I began to feel better. I hid my extensive writing under the mattress. Several weeks later, I took it ou and shredded it. I was much better and had put that episode behind me.

People with autism find it difficult to tell people about their feelings and talk about what is going on in their lives. Seeing a proffessional is quite stressful in its self, and can empty the conscious mind of what is the real issue. I discovered writing, by accident, but it can help. He can write at any time of day or night, when proffessional help is unavailable.

Please also talk to him about the Samaritans, they are available 24/7 and he can talk anonymously.

Hello

My son is 8 and has not yet been diagnosed, although he has had many neourodisability assessments, speech and language therapy etc from the age of 2.5 due to problems with social skills, fine motor skills and comprehension etc. 

From the age of 4 he has been very negative about himself..'I don't like the colour of my skin' 'I wish I could be someone else' 'I'm never going to be happy' 'why do bad things always happen to me?' 'Why is life so hard' He received therapy in school last year due to anxiety. This school year his negative self image escalated to lots of darker thoughts about killing himself. 'when I am older I am going to kill myself, I'm going to shoot myself in the head, I will be going to hell' 'I killed myself during beavers and now I am a bad person, the old me has gone' etc

I spoke to his therapist at the school from the previous year for advice on how to deal with this. She helped a little, but said she had no space for him to rejoin the group at school. 

I then heard about CAMHS and managed to get a referral from the doctor. The guy we spoke to said it seems likely that he has ASD and this will be linked to his low self esteem. My son has now been offered therapy, which we are currently waiting to start.

Im guessing that you may already be involved with CAMHS, as you have said your son has seen psychiatrists. If not, they may be  worth looking into. They may be able to offer you some advice / therapy along with your child.

It is very upsetting and hard to know how to react when your child has such a low image of themselves. I want him to be able to tell me how he is feeling, but I also don't want to encourage his behaviour/ thoughts. It is very hard to know where to turn for advice.

I wish you and your son all the best.

I tried searching the NAS website for "suicide" and got only 13 results. Most were adverts for courses, where I couldn't see where it arose.

Result 2 was NAS's own webpage on "Mental Health and Asperger Syndrome", which can be found via "Working with People with Autism" then "Health"

In a 7-page section, despite mentioning in the second paragraph of the first page "threatened, attempted or actual suicide", suicide is not mentioned subsequently, even on a detailed list of consequences of depression on page 2.

The reason for this is that NAS's text is based on sources, and things only get mentioned if it is in the quotation from the source. So the brief mention is in a statement by a psychologist.

But worse, all the references used are between 1991 and 2000 in date, the majority around mid-1990s. For goodness sake, that's TWENTY years ago!  A lot has been discovered since. NAS's website is full of very dated content, which really is irresponsible. I've pointed this out before regarding advice on going to university, which relied almost entirely on a text published in 2004. But being 20 years out of date on mental health is shocking.

Result 1 was more helpful. It was a study by Westminster Council "Suicide Prevention Strategy for Adults with Asperger Syndrome 2010-2013". Despite the title I was searching fruitlessly through 70 pages for mentions of suicide, though it does address many factors that might lead to it. I only got to the nub in an appendix on page 52!

"Although limited studies have looked at suicide rates in people with Asperger's Syndrome the descriptive studies conducted have suggested risks of suicide is greater amongst those with an ASC, in particular Asperger Syndrome" (cites Howlin in 2004).

"This is not surprising considering the significant association with depression in people with an ASC. It would seem effort should be put into preventive work to decrease the factors associated with depression in people with an ASC which would in turn decrease the risk of suicide attempts".

If Westminster Council can get the picture, why not the National Autistic Society?

i hve   suicidal  ideas

Longman You truly are an inspiration.

I wish I had your ability to look at the situation and put it so clearly.

My brother was a milder sufferer (Undiagnosed) extremely high functioning, IT enthusiast. Many traits and he was bullied for a prolonged period. Sadly, he did take his life, but he kept saying that he didn't feel heard and was being terrorized by a work collegue. His depression was prolonged as a result.

It's awful the lack of understanding. I saw too a video by Tony Attwood that mentioned resiliance of those with ASD. I found this most misleading. Their are only so many times an individual will pick thenselves up and dust themselves off, before they stay down for good.

I wish I knew how to change this mindset. Maybe then, individuals like my brother would still be alive.

Cx

This is such a common characteristic of autism and so little discussed. There really needs to be more attention to this.

To give an illustration, one of the major reference texts on aspergers isTony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome". It has about three pages making cursory remarks about suicide.

One of the ironies about this is that it seems to be more prevalent amongst people with "milder" autism. And because autism support organisations focus on those with more marked autism the issue of suicide tends to be neglected.

The suicide risk, aside from depression and other complications, and the use of medication that modifies personality, seems to be a response to being able enough to believe you can mix with other people, or do well academically, or get a job, but to be continually undermined and rebutted by people who wont respect the disability.

Someone with more marked autism is less likely to be in competition with non-autistic people or interacting with them, and has more support.

Bullying seems to be a factor, and as I keep on saying on herre, not conventional bullying (older kids extrorting pocket money) but collective ridicule for being different. Many or maybe all people on the spectrum experience prolonged and high levels of bullying, which must undermine self confidence and self esteem long term. It might be worth looking to see how far bullying contributed to his present mindset.

Depression with autism is easy to comprehend. You cannot easily outwardly explore feelings and fears with a social circle. People not affected by autism have social networks and social outlets. If you are mainly locked into your own thoughts and unable to find external reference points, depression is likely.

Also the environmental aspects of sensory senstivity and sensory overload mean that people on the spectrum may not go out much. Going for a walk is a simple remedy for feeling low, but may not be an easy remedy for someone with autism.

Until money is spent researching this issue it will remain difficult to provide advice. Unfortunately research concentrates on people with more marked autism, as if somehow milder doesn't matter.

If it leads to suicide and depression, milder does matter. So lets start addressing autism issues across the spectrum, rather than in little pockets of action.