I am 41 years old and at long last my life is making a little more sense than usual. I am lucky enough to be seeing a counsellor who also happens to be a consultant clinical psychologist and she has given me perhaps the best Christmas present I will ever recieve, a diagnosis and a definitive reason why this world of ours makes so little sense to me.
Through research and a rather high score on the AQ test I have known for some time that all was not right with me but through misdiagnosis due an abusive childhood autism was never considered despite a life in and out of social care and counselling.
However I now have the most precious of all things 'hope'. I have read many accounts here and elsewhere and I am encouraged that many things that I do are also done by others.
Here are some of my traits -
- Difficulty with handwriting (poor handwriting, having to write in capitals) and holding a pen or pencil in my own way and not like the normal way most people hold a pencil).
- Inability to learn how to swim as a child and teenager (I still cannot swim).
- Inability to catch objects thrown at me, such as a tennis ball, set of keys, and so forth.
- I get easily stressed, upset, anxious, etc, when faced with stressful situations.
- Never looking at the person I am speaking to, such as looking left or right or with head bowed. Even walking with head bowed.
- Having an intense interest in hobbies and collecting DVD's and films. Huge fan of all things Top Gear, limited interest in pop music or popular culture but very intense interest in the few bands and solo artists that I am interested in, , intense interest in reading about certain subjects rather than general reading, only in audio book form as my concentration wavers. I have little or no interest in fiction.
- In person, very quiet, stand-offish and reserved, not talking much, keeping to myself; even in the company of some relations and friends, sometimes.
- Communicative on social networking sites, Internet forums, email, etc.
- Difficulty with social interaction when in the company of complete strangers. I am very un blokish so I have never mixed with other men very well, in fact they are a mystery to me.
- Inability to cope with change and getting very upset and stressed and anxious in such circumstances. I have a constant need to control my environment.
- Disliking physical contact when not wanted or asked for.
- In addition to disliking certain physical contact, I also have difficulty hugging people; I tend to hug people gingerly and nervously.
- Unable to show empathy and unable to empathise with others, even though I know what it is to show empathy.
- Possible hypersensitivity to smell or at least some smells (I hate the chlorine smell of bleach, for one example). I have little resistance to noise.In addition to this my diet is terrible because I cannot cope with the sensation of vegetables crunching between my teeth and their texture and smell. I cannot have my hair cut so I have for 20+ years cut it myself with clippers although my wife does it for me now. Yes I am married for the third time but I am hoping this will last as I am coming to terms with who I am now.I welcome question and comments and look forward to conversing with people like myself.ThanksJames
