Theory of mind

That advice sounds good to me. You can carry off an air of confident authority simply by keeping involvement to essentials and checking with someone afterwards.

The last bit I found hard in the workplace because people deduce that if you need clarification you aren't up to the job. But in a school situation I reckon that asking someone afterwards if there was anything important in the conversation makes very good sense.

As to whether a conversation is really worth having - that is the big question. Part of fitting in is about having many pointless conversations. It is how the group rehearses and exercises the "pecking order" (dreadful metaphor) - who is the alpha male, who are the main supporters, who are the adoring hangers on, and who are just there "for the ride".

I agree you're not missing out on much content. But it does prevent acceptance in a peer group. They have to be confident you'll stay in the position the group has assigned to you - henchman, hanger on, loser whatever. That's all the dialogue is about - playing out life's little hierarchies and role plays - and it will carry on right through education, work, marriage (oh yes husband and wife - who is the boss?) and even (what I now dread) the pecking order in the old folks home. You have to do these dreadful chat routines in order to be accepted.

Of course if you can manage without being accepted well and good. My only regret is I lack close friends who can help out when I cannot manage on my own. I know lots of people to say hi to, and I do a great deal of community and voluntary work but know hardly a soul to ask a favour.

But yes, with aspergers - you remain unresolved in relation to the group because you can never follow the rules.

That advice sounds good to me. You can carry off an air of confident authority simply by keeping involvement to essentials and checking with someone afterwards.

The last bit I found hard in the workplace because people deduce that if you need clarification you aren't up to the job. But in a school situation I reckon that asking someone afterwards if there was anything important in the conversation makes very good sense.

As to whether a conversation is really worth having - that is the big question. Part of fitting in is about having many pointless conversations. It is how the group rehearses and exercises the "pecking order" (dreadful metaphor) - who is the alpha male, who are the main supporters, who are the adoring hangers on, and who are just there "for the ride".

I agree you're not missing out on much content. But it does prevent acceptance in a peer group. They have to be confident you'll stay in the position the group has assigned to you - henchman, hanger on, loser whatever. That's all the dialogue is about - playing out life's little hierarchies and role plays - and it will carry on right through education, work, marriage (oh yes husband and wife - who is the boss?) and even (what I now dread) the pecking order in the old folks home. You have to do these dreadful chat routines in order to be accepted.

Of course if you can manage without being accepted well and good. My only regret is I lack close friends who can help out when I cannot manage on my own. I know lots of people to say hi to, and I do a great deal of community and voluntary work but know hardly a soul to ask a favour.

But yes, with aspergers - you remain unresolved in relation to the group because you can never follow the rules.