Struggling!

I would endorse writing things down. I kept notebooks for this from my twenties, and wish I'd done it when younger, but doubt I'd have been able to keep it secret without questions being asked. 

Writing things down and working out where things go wrong has been a useful strategy for me. It could be entirely personal to her, or a basis for talking things over with you, but the notes made would need to be for her eyes only to be effective. Asks a lot of a parent not to peek, but getting things down on paper and looking at how things fit together, could be really useful to her.

The problem with autism is it takes a long time to process misunderstood information. If you are only picking up parts of dialogue, you are then left trying to understand what was meant, or why people reacted badly to something you didn't feel unjustified. Often these are things that NTs would say and forget. Someone on the spectrum may still be trying to resolve it weeks ior months later.

She might say rude things but perceive jokes and double meanings as direct insults to her.

As a result the brain is constantly in turmoil and has difficulty taking in current information. Being able to write things on paper, draw connecting arrows, and so on, takes this activity out of the grain and into a different storage system.

It is important for parents to appreciate that social communication on the spectrum is foggy at best. Part of the problem is that being poor at picking up inflexion and body language means you don't learn from numerous exchanges through life as NTs would do. So the autistic brain becomes an analytical machine re-examining thousands of perceived sleights into infinity.

It may be that people underestimate this, supposing it isn't as bad as being deaf, but I think this underestimates the problem. You hear, but you don't integrate and interpret social information properly. With autism you don't get enough context, but you do hear a lot of puzzling speech. Trying to sort it out is what does the damage.

I would endorse writing things down. I kept notebooks for this from my twenties, and wish I'd done it when younger, but doubt I'd have been able to keep it secret without questions being asked. 

Writing things down and working out where things go wrong has been a useful strategy for me. It could be entirely personal to her, or a basis for talking things over with you, but the notes made would need to be for her eyes only to be effective. Asks a lot of a parent not to peek, but getting things down on paper and looking at how things fit together, could be really useful to her.

The problem with autism is it takes a long time to process misunderstood information. If you are only picking up parts of dialogue, you are then left trying to understand what was meant, or why people reacted badly to something you didn't feel unjustified. Often these are things that NTs would say and forget. Someone on the spectrum may still be trying to resolve it weeks ior months later.

She might say rude things but perceive jokes and double meanings as direct insults to her.

As a result the brain is constantly in turmoil and has difficulty taking in current information. Being able to write things on paper, draw connecting arrows, and so on, takes this activity out of the grain and into a different storage system.

It is important for parents to appreciate that social communication on the spectrum is foggy at best. Part of the problem is that being poor at picking up inflexion and body language means you don't learn from numerous exchanges through life as NTs would do. So the autistic brain becomes an analytical machine re-examining thousands of perceived sleights into infinity.

It may be that people underestimate this, supposing it isn't as bad as being deaf, but I think this underestimates the problem. You hear, but you don't integrate and interpret social information properly. With autism you don't get enough context, but you do hear a lot of puzzling speech. Trying to sort it out is what does the damage.