This is an odd subject but something that bothers me immensly.
I work in an enviroment in which it is mainly populated by peolpe in their 30's to 50's with a small bunch being in their 20's- jobs are monotonous work, to a high standard with hourly quotas and people doing different jobs at different stations (just so you can understand the enviroment and maybe why thing are the way they are- one person said this, and its true: its a boring place, doing the same job (/ OR) not too/ or are difficult tasks).
And something they do which has always infuriated me and still does to this day (as they still do it, some more than others and its become a "thing" for them to whisper to others that it "annoys" me- as some do it more purposelyy than others for laughs)- Is that as im passing by them, minding my own business trying to get from A to B, or somtimes i have to look for someone (of whom can be anywhere within this enviroment so of course i will have to see faces as i scout for said person)- is that they give you this mindless (sometimes cocky sneer) stare for longer than is neccessary and often repeatedly... ...
AND I JUST DONT GET IT. Ive not suddenly sprouted a second head with 5 eyes and a purple tail, im not LOOKING for you, if i was i would have acknowledge your OTT stare (still they look, smirking and commenting to the person next to them), im the same person i was last year, this morning, 10 minutes ago, a second ago- but still they will stare at you- like sheep in a field chewing grass, they just watch you.
For me it feels like getting hit with a wall,, like someone has dropped a heavy weight on the back of my skull and my shoulders- like an impact on my senses- im taking in something i didnt want in the first place- its like having your emotions "raped" as this expectation of how im meant to be is forced on me.
Like, i am there to stroke their ego's: #(younger ones are far worse if they are "confident" in themselves, believing because every other guy "drool's" over them, im meant to do the same, when to me they are about as interesting as a paint drying on a wall... Let me make this point clear too, they do not find me attractive, its more about i am meant to find them attractive and i dont, so the one with the big ego's really cant cope with the idea that a guy doesnt like them- #if the younger ones arent confident, they either duck me, which is fine (mean no mindless staring) or they join in their own way and stare on purpose, knowing they have the backing of their peers if i say or do anything, which i never do anyway OR they just scowl at me)- #The Older ones it's a bit different, i think some of them want to treat me like a child, which i dont respond to very well at all...! And others, well the only description that i can think of is, i feel like a child in a playground being watched by a padeophile (of course im not a child, im a man, but the creepy factor some of the older ones exude is to me, horrible and repulsive).
For others ive seen them staring at me for a bit beforehand as walk up and past them, as i look at them in pasing, they dont say anything and keep staring like im meant to say or do something (think im meant to smile and say hi, but they have made me feel so umcomfortable and pressured beforehand and to be honest it just wasnt on my mind to do- and i dont know the person so i see no need to.) so i find this offensive too. If they are so interested in saying, "HI" and getting to know me, just say it, take the initiative rather than staring at me expecting me to get it. Ive never said anything as I know i would be the one come across as being offensive, and ive just taken to "Blanking" the person/s out and focusing on a point away from them.
Walking down the high street isnt so bad, as people dont know me so dont have much reason to pay attention, you still get the same ego's and expecations but its far more toned down. AND its a split second meeting, not someone i have to see every day, all day (although in my job, its more i work in a set station, away from others but still in sight and only see them when i pass for that few seconds or minutes does that stare factor come into play).
Initially i had no response to people who did this, i just got mad internally and would act out on my enviroment (Banging my locker, hitting my machine, hitting open doors, lifting far more than i would normally, throwing things harder than usual etc etc- not all the time mind you, just time to time- otherwise i would be sacked, so its "controlled" and rare but i have done these things)- but sometime people would do rude things to me too when i looked their way the odd time or moment (<key word- im not staring, jut having a quick look round- something i limit myself too very much now to avoid this negative attitude), like pull faces or exaggerate their eyes widening them (often i felt like this was imitating/ mocking me as im aware i have wide eyes), or they would "narrow" their eyes at me in a challenging manner. These things i have employed later on now myself (when i remember to use them, doesnt come naturally to me) at people too, and to my surprise its like i have slapped them in the face and they stop staring and/or stop being cocky (hasnt always worked tho, some people are just not nice and do it all the more, so i have no choice but to look away not out of fear of the person, but fear of myself loosing my temper).
I mean for me, yeah of course i will look round at people, but not all the time and not without good reason- like if someone is doing a job i have instructed them to do and i go away and leave them to it, of course i will watch them for the first minute or two to make sure they are doing it ok and arent struggling and help them when its needed, once i see they are ok thats it, i dont bother anymore as i dont need to. Or if im working away and hear voices, i may turn around, see who it is (often i cant actually distunguish what words are being said, more just who-ever is speaking i can hear- i got my hearing tested and turns out i have good hearing...), once i see who it is, i go back to what im doing as its nothing to do with me. Done.
Im not a nosey person at all, and cant stand people that are. Go figure, im working in a small, monotonous enviroment with extroverted people that are forced to be quiet.
I remember times when i would be talking to someone briefly about something like a film or an event (rarely do i talk to people, so this was only an occasional occurence), and out of the corner of my eye, id see another person staring at us, as i had this conversation- nothing funny was being said, but it was a good natured conversation- the person watching us would just burst into laughter by themselves and kept watching us talk. I didnt do or say anything (the converastion had nothing to do with the watcher and i had no reason to talk to them, and just thought they were being silly and wierd), just said bye to the person im talking to and walk away feeling very confused and angry by the person who was watching and laughed at us. No idea what that was about, just infuriated me (the watcher in this circumstance was one of the younger ones with an ego).
Sometime i wished (and still do) that people wore a paper bag over their head or some sort of futuristic fantasy device so it meant i NEVER had to see their faces and they could not see mine- but all you would see would be that a person is there so you dont walk into them and the only people you will see is the ones you actually want to...!! That would be bliss!!!- and i didnt have to see their body language, so be like just seeing a big 6foot tall box (one or two woman are gross, like they almost start flaunting themselves at you, desperately wanting your attention- not that i dont like woman, but damn ive got an amazing wife at home none of these can even compare to and these woman just arent nice and its inappropriate, if I did what they did, i would get a harrassment charge- i havent said anything to my managers as ive noticed they are very friendly with said woman, and dont seem to mind the "flirty" behaviour- guess it flatters their ego's too... so i dont expect to be taken serious and worse, it could be flipped back on me.)
It make me feel a little sad tho, when i see other New people who come into the enviroment and they seem to get on fine, like they have no wierdness and they even talk to people like they have known them their whole lives and vice-versa the older ones speak to them fine, utter respect almost from the start (whereas with me, people were more often than not condescending and patronising when they first spoke to me, and i didnt appreciate that- i did find out years later when someone asked when my 21st Birthday was so they could set up a Birthday card signing, i told them that was years ago, im 26 now (at the time they asked), they were shocked and commented that they thot i was only just newly turned 18 when i started (i was 24 when i started work in the current place- so i think a lot of people believed i was very young and naive- explains some of the attitude and looking at me like the way a dog stares at a piece of meat in a butcher...!). Whereas to me, these people are unwanted strangers, who i know by name and face and that all. Like it makes me question myself and why i get so offended and i cant just talk to these people and why its always so difficult (to be honest ive tried and didnt like it, and often found i gave something away to the person that made them feel they have an upperhand on me and exploit it later, OR ive found them to be incredibly "Scripted" in the way they talked that it was hard to say something outside of their "script".)
Its long, but ive tried to explain how i feel and the different scenarios as best i could. Hopefully folks get what im saying and have the patience to read through it.
So, im wondering do other people feel like this too?
