Published on 12, July, 2020
I really wish that I could hibernate. This time of year has nothing to commend itself to me. I hate the dark, cold, grey days of winter. Most of the family I have lost died in winter. The worst bullying I experienced was in the run up to christmas and at christmas work social events. Before I retired, I used to look forward to some time off work and to overindulging in food and drink. I am now more health concious, and always used to hate the mixture of hangovers and that dreadful moment of getting on the scales in January to see what damage I had done.
I think I come from an autistic family. The more I read, the more asd traits I remember in my parents. They wouldn't take part in Christmas when they became older. They had a bare minimum of contact with the outside world, once they retired. I am not as unsociable as they are, but christmas has too much socialising and even the nicest of pubs is noisy and overcrowded.
January had a strange effect, in that I would become hyperactive, crash diet, and decide I could survive by will power alone. I would focus entirely on my goals until the horrible moment of realisation came, that I was trampling over everyones feelings and great waves of resentment were hitting me from everyone I knew. I would then crawl away and hide until the worst was past. By the end of February, life would return to normal and I could look forward to spring.
Is there anything nice about this time of year?
i don't even have a job. I failed all the benefit assessments under the previous benefits company because i could stand/speak. But they refused to take in to consideration developmental dissorders/anxiety/depression problems. so i don't even have any money and it worries me silly! my dad has to keep me alive and he is retired. Because i don't cope with work in the way neuro typical people do, i can't go on job seekers. I have tried to set up my own animal bussiness-though with the recession and people thinking they are hard done by, bussiness is extreemly slow/ non existant and has been since i set up a few years ago. I suffer from chronic fatigue, due to severe stress and worry and people. but i do the best i can. At christmas i mannaged to scrape presents together from bargain basement stores and anything i find on offer during the year