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How do I tell him how I feel?

elen

Hi.

The short version is that I've fallen in love with someone who has Aspergers, and as someone who also has it, it isn't the easiest thing I've ever done (emotions and all that!)!  Although I struggle with them, he doesn't 'do' 'girly' emotions at all, has never had a relationship and is very much a logical guy ('who needs love?!' etc), and so although I've felt like this for a while now, I haven't told him... essentially I'm terrified of losing his friendship and the hope of anything more.

No, I'm not his 'ideal woman' (from discussions we've had before re: aesthetics), but I'm a good person and most importantly - I think - I know/understand him well and accept him completely as he is.  I have NO idea how he feels about me - I know he doesn't hate me (I've asked!), but no more than that, as it's not something he's ever expressed... and I'm too scared to ask!

I have other male friends and, if I had feelings for one of them, I would have said something a long time ago, but don't feel I can tell him how I feel because a) he won't understand and b) he'll 'run' - some is his personality ('bloke') but I now know exacerbated by Aspergers.

As such, I'd really appreciate advice - particularly from Aspergic guys! - on how best to tackle this.

Thank you!...Elen xx

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    You have to make some sort of a move! Ask him for a date but say that you don't want to lose him as a friend so allow him to decline your advance. Try to give him the option of being more than a friend but that you want him as friend either way. You may have to be more obvious in your advance than with a non-autistic as he may miss a more subtle approach but go slowly and carefully to begin with and don't jump in with both feet.

    However, if you want the chance of success then you have to take the risk of rejection.There is no way around this but you can try and limit the damage and disappointment as far as you can.

    Good luck!

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    You have to make some sort of a move! Ask him for a date but say that you don't want to lose him as a friend so allow him to decline your advance. Try to give him the option of being more than a friend but that you want him as friend either way. You may have to be more obvious in your advance than with a non-autistic as he may miss a more subtle approach but go slowly and carefully to begin with and don't jump in with both feet.

    However, if you want the chance of success then you have to take the risk of rejection.There is no way around this but you can try and limit the damage and disappointment as far as you can.

    Good luck!

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