Think happier thoughts

Moving on from cbt, we can take control of our own thoughts with practice.

If you think of a series of thoughts in terms of making a candle by the dipping method, then each time you think a particular series of thoughts, you dip your string in wax and let it dry. It becomes thicker each time and if your thoughts follow common routes, then what was once a narrow path can become a main road and one you use most often.

 You need to turn off and find a pleasant back road and make that your chosen route instead.

When you feel down, your mouth turns down, and you see yourself as a sad person, literally if you look in a mirror. So step 1 can be to smile whenever you see your reflection. You may not want to, but put yourself in personal boot camp and make it compulsory, it will change the way you see yourself eventually.

Step 2 is to lift your head when out and look at/watch the world around you. I play games everywhere I go. When outside I look at buildings and pick the ones I like and the "carbuncles", everywhere has good and bad architecture. Look up the ones you like, acquire some knowledge.

My other favourite game is the "buy a gift for someone" game. You don't buy it, just choose something, in every shop. So  pick a person you know, not necessarily someone you like and choose a suitable gift. You can choose with love or hate in mind. So if you like a person select a nice piece of furnature  or a food item etc. I have a great time in touristy gift shops on holiday looking at all those plaques with messages on and thinking who I would present them to. Some are quite pithy.

You may think this sounds a bit odd, but it will take you off the negative highway onto the happier distracting back road. You can get other people to join in. My husband and I go round National Trust houses picking something to take home from every room.

The key thing , is to force yourself to do it when your head is full of poison, and find the game that amuses you. It works for me.

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  • The problem with a lot of these solutions is they address current apparent difficulties as if all we have to do is learn the social rules or other life skills we seem to have missed out on.

    These are coping strategies of a sort. But when circumstances change, such as adverse change, more stress, including loss of a job, difficulties over accommodation etc., the coping strategies are stretched and overwhelmed.

    Most people have some difficulty with eye contact, facial expression (both read and generated for others to read) and picking up on the complexities of social interchange, especially informal. Most people have some environmental sensitivities and sensory overload issues. Some people may be very dependent on routine or poor at organising themselves. These may benefit from coping strategies, but they aren't cured.

    What happens a lot is that some service or clinic offers to "cure" autistic spectrum by counselling and therapy, and do appear to have some success. But when these coping strategies don't endure, oh its the person on the spectrum's fault for not trying.

    As I've explained today on another thread, there is this issue of disabling and non disabling facets of the condition. They might appear non-disabling, but its a collective condition - many factors interplaying. "Curing" one thing doesn't cure the whole. 

    Yes I believe it is good to try to improve your life by challenging personal barriers, and extending limits. But autistic spectrum isn't just because we weren't paying attention when everyone else learned life skills.

  • I still recommend boot camp approach. Never say never. Imagine yourself as a young offender with some burly adult saying if you want a life do it this way and just do it. Inch by inch, you can force yourself to think different thoughts and each time, the highway becomes a little clearer.

    I did what I was told because I was seeing no alternatives.(all weeds, no good thoughts) It is possible to try something because it's there and someone else says it works. You don't have to believe in it. You can take the approach that even if it fails, if at least it is not harming me, I should try. It is a neutral or win strategy,  where as to not try, is potentially a losing strategy.

     What do other people think?

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Marjorie,

    I think you have described NLP neuro linguistic programming? This was recommended to me but I didn't get on with it. Different things work for different people.

    One of the ways I think about this is to use a gardening metaphor. You need to weed out the bad thoughts to allow the good thoughts to thrive.