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No friends

Hope

Are there any other people on this forum with Asperger's who literally have no friends at this point in time, and that includes being in a relationship?

I have had friends before, but not since I was 11 years old, and the friendships I had as a child usually broke down after only a few weeks. I have a history of struggling to maintain friendships, although they were enjoyable while they lasted, but once I started secondary school, making friends became completely insurmountable. I became a loner, the kid no-one talked to, and I amused myself. Not that I really minded this at the time, because I had my own interests to fall back on, and I soon came to the conclusion that small talk was too difficult, pointless, and often boring. Why bother with something that is so difficult and made me feel so stupid and tense?

However recently I have started to question whether or not I should try and make friends again. I do like company, and I don't want to spend my life alone. I want to have a soul-mate, someone I can enjoy life with, and go places with. However I need a lot of time alone as well - this is my conundrum.

Is it normal within the world of AS not to have any friends at all? At school I was excluded from friendship groups because I did not speak enough, or was too clingy!. I tried my hardest to fit in; I took on the quiet 'good girl' persona, but this did not work, so I became troublesome and annoyed people to get some social feedback. Obviously this just meant that  I was singled out as weird and strange, but no one told me how to navigate the social world (I was not diagnosed until I was 21).

Although I was lucky in the sense I was not overtly bullied (I was just a loner and removed myself from the crowd), the experience of being alone while other girls chatted and laughed together has left me with an inferiority complex. I often feel diminutive both literally (I am very small anyway) and figuratively; there is a feeling that I am diseased, dirty, and completely unlikeable. Most of the time these feelings are repressed, but theu come to the surface from time to time - a legacy of social exclusion.

Am I the only one who has not had a 'friend' since childhood, if at all?

Parents

  • Hi Tlc. I think some small talk is needed. I watch people to learn about them and their interests, and I also watch the news, read the local paper, and learn bits about lots of different subjects. This gives me things to talk about. Watch the weather forecast, we brits talk about the weather. I used to unobtrusively listen to other peoples conversations. Butting in is not liked, but you can revisit a subject with someone later. I find chatting in a group quite hard because I cant work out when it's ok for me to speak, and I hate the all eyes on me feeling. So I try to find a person on their own or just 2 people.

    You don't have to talk about the nonsense other people talk, just try to be interesting and brief. Leave pauses for people to reply or change the subject.

    The other trick is to ask questions, nt people love to talk. Just nod and smile and absorb things. It's an intetesting world full of knowledge, so broaden your interest base. We may never be good at it, but we can learn to get by.

    Remember that they may think we don't like them, if we don't speak to them.I

Reply

  • Hi Tlc. I think some small talk is needed. I watch people to learn about them and their interests, and I also watch the news, read the local paper, and learn bits about lots of different subjects. This gives me things to talk about. Watch the weather forecast, we brits talk about the weather. I used to unobtrusively listen to other peoples conversations. Butting in is not liked, but you can revisit a subject with someone later. I find chatting in a group quite hard because I cant work out when it's ok for me to speak, and I hate the all eyes on me feeling. So I try to find a person on their own or just 2 people.

    You don't have to talk about the nonsense other people talk, just try to be interesting and brief. Leave pauses for people to reply or change the subject.

    The other trick is to ask questions, nt people love to talk. Just nod and smile and absorb things. It's an intetesting world full of knowledge, so broaden your interest base. We may never be good at it, but we can learn to get by.

    Remember that they may think we don't like them, if we don't speak to them.I

Children
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