I've been in and out of work all my life. Longest I've been in a job is about 1 1/2 years and that was a real record. Working with others and navigating social groups and social expectations, along with sensory overload and general work pressures cause me to burn out quickly. I then need time off which causes me further anxiety, with the horrible phone call into work to say I won't be in, then anxiety about being off as I don't have a more visible, more socially accepted illness... just burn out and overwhelm where I become almost frozen and need a good few days of zero stimulation. I've hit this point again currently and am off today. When I was younger I didn't care, I just took the time off when I needed it, now I am more aware of the workplace gossip narrative that puts down people taking time off. I'm actually ready to just quit my job again (I'm in the job just over a year). I use all the methods of managing my sensory input etc etc, but it literally feels like a full time job just managing myself in order to survive a week at work, then I need to collapse over the weekend, so my quality of life is quite poor in that way. I don't feel like I'm setting a good example of 'living' to my children. I'm ready to quit but feel dread at that too, with the thought of change and financial implications. I keep thinking there must be a job that suits me better but I'm now afraid to even apply for new jobs as I dread this pattern happening again. I worry my current work colleagues would not understand if I was honest about what is going on for me, as I hear them *** and gossip about other people who have time off, plus people with neurodiversity, so I claim I have migraines/ colds / flus. It's my first time on this forum. I've been this way all my life but am only now recognising the connection to autism. I just feel debilitated by it overall.
