Does Christmas affect your mental health badly?

If this time of year sends you into a downward spiral, as it does me, are there ways that you have learnt to cope with it?

As always, I find myself thinking about it much earlier than I would like to because of the stuff in the shops everywhere and of course, threads on this forum.

Some aspects of Christmas that get me down (and some that no longer apply so much).

1.  I am not Christian and as such, I don't see any meaning in it or a reason to celebrate it.

2.  The obligation to buy presents when you have little money is very deeply anxiety inducing.

3.  The obligation to spend time with people you may not even like is also deeply anxiety inducing.

4.  The obligation to be in noisy environments (see above for what it does).

5.  The expectation that you will enjoy it.

6.  The loneliness and isolation it can accentuate if you are obliged to spend it alone.

Add onto the above that Christmas was a terrible time when I was younger (especially as a child when I had to live with my parents) as my mother went into a deep depression every year and there were flaming rows at home.  It was a deeply miserable time and the onset of the 'season' is a trigger for all that unhappiness.

People say that Christmas is 'for' children but what if you never had children or a good childhood?

Obligations are every present.

Can you break with the obligations - yes but there may well be repercussions from other people.

I never really properly managed to draw back from entertaining or being entertained until various members of my family passed away.

I still have a couple of small Christmas traditions with my husband and friends.

I'm thinking this year of trying to pretend it's not happening and just doing the bare minimum including giving away my Christmas decorations which I mainly just put out because of obligation (again).

Any thoughts on how we can take back control of this time of year if we dislike/hate it?

Any thoughts on how we can make it more meaningful (pagans welcome)?

Parents
  • I have a ton of similarities:

    1.  I am a former Christian, but unfortunately not only is my entire extended family Christian, but my wife and kids continue to identify as Christian. The kids are unaware of what I really believe in, since I don’t want to influence them in that way. I’m forced to keep up the charade.

    2.  I am awful at gift giving. All of my gifts are poorly thought out and I am so self-conscious about it. It’s less that I don’t have the money for it, but I do think it’s overall a waste of money for something the other person may or may not enjoy.

    3.  Thankfully my sister is mostly out of the picture, but there is a latent fear that we may be misled to celebrate Christmas with my parents at the same time. That would be horrid for everyone, especially my wife.

    4.  I can’t handle noise and crowds, so parties are already anxiety-inducing even without considering the additional social expectations.

    5.  I think my wife is starting to understand my fear, resentment, and trauma regarding Christmas, but in the past she has disregarded it as being silly.

    6.  Fortunately for me I don’t have to deal with loneliness. At least not yet. I guess in its place I’ve got trauma regarding a horrible incident involving one of my children during a Christmas party. Just alluding to it via text is enough to make my arms tingle uncomfortably with anxiety. It’s obviously a trauma trigger.

    As far as ideas to take back the season, I’m still learning myself. Honestly, with your plan to rid the decorations and such it sounds as though you are farther along on the path to healing than I am. I guess I’m just posting to show empathy.

Reply
  • I have a ton of similarities:

    1.  I am a former Christian, but unfortunately not only is my entire extended family Christian, but my wife and kids continue to identify as Christian. The kids are unaware of what I really believe in, since I don’t want to influence them in that way. I’m forced to keep up the charade.

    2.  I am awful at gift giving. All of my gifts are poorly thought out and I am so self-conscious about it. It’s less that I don’t have the money for it, but I do think it’s overall a waste of money for something the other person may or may not enjoy.

    3.  Thankfully my sister is mostly out of the picture, but there is a latent fear that we may be misled to celebrate Christmas with my parents at the same time. That would be horrid for everyone, especially my wife.

    4.  I can’t handle noise and crowds, so parties are already anxiety-inducing even without considering the additional social expectations.

    5.  I think my wife is starting to understand my fear, resentment, and trauma regarding Christmas, but in the past she has disregarded it as being silly.

    6.  Fortunately for me I don’t have to deal with loneliness. At least not yet. I guess in its place I’ve got trauma regarding a horrible incident involving one of my children during a Christmas party. Just alluding to it via text is enough to make my arms tingle uncomfortably with anxiety. It’s obviously a trauma trigger.

    As far as ideas to take back the season, I’m still learning myself. Honestly, with your plan to rid the decorations and such it sounds as though you are farther along on the path to healing than I am. I guess I’m just posting to show empathy.

Children
  • it sounds as though you are farther along on the path to healing than I am.

    Thank you for your contribution and virtual hug across the water.

    Yes, I probably am, and that may be because of my age - my life has changed a lot over the years, and so have I and to be terribly honest, bereavement has taken quite a few social obligations away from me.

    Learning to stand up for ourselves is very hard indeed and is required, but also the support of those people we cherish in our lives.

    So sorry about the 'horrible incident'.