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Does Christmas affect your mental health badly?

B

If this time of year sends you into a downward spiral, as it does me, are there ways that you have learnt to cope with it?

As always, I find myself thinking about it much earlier than I would like to because of the stuff in the shops everywhere and of course, threads on this forum.

Some aspects of Christmas that get me down (and some that no longer apply so much).

1.  I am not Christian and as such, I don't see any meaning in it or a reason to celebrate it.

2.  The obligation to buy presents when you have little money is very deeply anxiety inducing.

3.  The obligation to spend time with people you may not even like is also deeply anxiety inducing.

4.  The obligation to be in noisy environments (see above for what it does).

5.  The expectation that you will enjoy it.

6.  The loneliness and isolation it can accentuate if you are obliged to spend it alone.

Add onto the above that Christmas was a terrible time when I was younger (especially as a child when I had to live with my parents) as my mother went into a deep depression every year and there were flaming rows at home.  It was a deeply miserable time and the onset of the 'season' is a trigger for all that unhappiness.

People say that Christmas is 'for' children but what if you never had children or a good childhood?

Obligations are every present.

Can you break with the obligations - yes but there may well be repercussions from other people.

I never really properly managed to draw back from entertaining or being entertained until various members of my family passed away.

I still have a couple of small Christmas traditions with my husband and friends.

I'm thinking this year of trying to pretend it's not happening and just doing the bare minimum including giving away my Christmas decorations which I mainly just put out because of obligation (again).

Any thoughts on how we can take back control of this time of year if we dislike/hate it?

Any thoughts on how we can make it more meaningful (pagans welcome)?

Parents

  • Hi B

    I'm really sad to read your post, but understand entirely. My parents hated each other so I kept out of the house whenever I could. Most of the time, even Christmas, I was plonked in front of the TV or went out and discovered museums in our town. When given presents, I would deliberately spoil it by saying it was 'not enough', because I wanted to upset them. This wasn't nice but a survival mechanism to show them I didn't care [I did].

    I believe it is possible to enjoy a 'festive' season, whatever you call it.

    1.look at it as a celebration of survival - you survived and give really interesting information in this community. 

    2. send a card to those likely to expect a gift, explaining you are not giving presents but donating to charity 

    3. if you feel you have to give, give homemade gifts - jam, chutney, an insect house, picture made of leaves/seeds, natural door wreath

    4. turn it around, by thinking of the joy the season brings, like homeless people being given meals by the Sally Ann and people who don't usually give to charity often make a donation

    5. being with those you dislike - easy to avoid! Tell them you are going to spend 'Christmas' on a retreat, which could be in your home. Or you are 'going away' on a surprise trip ie don't yet know where. Or, the old school trick, you are 'not well.' I don't think it wrong to tell an untruth when you tell it to save people from hurt, ie rather than saying you don't want their company.

    6. Because of my unhappy childhood, I'm reliving celebrations in my way [that's why I changed the date of my birthday, and also have an official birthday like the King ie 2 a year]. You can call them what you like.

    7. As you know, solstice etc are celebrations from the time of early man, to celebrate nature and the passing seasons. As a nature lover, could you turn it all around, and look at it like this?

    Very best wishes whatever you decide to do, and I look forward to reading your posts online, especially the nature posts. Green heart

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