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Does Christmas affect your mental health badly?

B

If this time of year sends you into a downward spiral, as it does me, are there ways that you have learnt to cope with it?

As always, I find myself thinking about it much earlier than I would like to because of the stuff in the shops everywhere and of course, threads on this forum.

Some aspects of Christmas that get me down (and some that no longer apply so much).

1.  I am not Christian and as such, I don't see any meaning in it or a reason to celebrate it.

2.  The obligation to buy presents when you have little money is very deeply anxiety inducing.

3.  The obligation to spend time with people you may not even like is also deeply anxiety inducing.

4.  The obligation to be in noisy environments (see above for what it does).

5.  The expectation that you will enjoy it.

6.  The loneliness and isolation it can accentuate if you are obliged to spend it alone.

Add onto the above that Christmas was a terrible time when I was younger (especially as a child when I had to live with my parents) as my mother went into a deep depression every year and there were flaming rows at home.  It was a deeply miserable time and the onset of the 'season' is a trigger for all that unhappiness.

People say that Christmas is 'for' children but what if you never had children or a good childhood?

Obligations are every present.

Can you break with the obligations - yes but there may well be repercussions from other people.

I never really properly managed to draw back from entertaining or being entertained until various members of my family passed away.

I still have a couple of small Christmas traditions with my husband and friends.

I'm thinking this year of trying to pretend it's not happening and just doing the bare minimum including giving away my Christmas decorations which I mainly just put out because of obligation (again).

Any thoughts on how we can take back control of this time of year if we dislike/hate it?

Any thoughts on how we can make it more meaningful (pagans welcome)?

Parents

  • It's a funny thing isn't it? I had a bad childhood, I've just been diagnosed with cPTSD becuae of it, and I'm in my 50's. However, when I was very young, Christmas was the one day of year when we acted like a 'normal' family. No one hit me, or shouted/swore at me or abused me. We got toys. We weren't bought anything at any other time of year, no toys, clothes. thoothpaste, etc. We were washed on Christmas Eve and wore clean night clothes. I was also raised to believe in Father Christmas. Because of this Christmas was magical to me. Funnily enough as an adult I've had more bad than good Christmas Days, because of said abusers. But the main one died three years ago and I'm just coming round to the fact I have agency about the day. I don't have to force it to feel magical, for me or anyone else. I can enjoy a few food treats, looking forward to Harry Potter starting, and I'll have some new console games to play. It doesn't have to be any more or less than that. 

    As for taking back control for yourself, I truely believe at Christmas you should think of yourself too. I really understand about obligations and how hard it feels to let them go. Can you lessen them in some way rather than all out change? Like if you have miserable aunty Mabel over all day, just have her over for actual lunch, then back home? Instead of visiting, you could call people? As for meaning, I don't know my neighbours but each year I post them through a Christmas card. A small thing but it could cheer someone else up in the community? Do you  have anyone you know who'll be alone that could do with some company, even for an hour? You could go to church, funnily enough lots of athiests do, for the tradition and community. If you are religious you could light a candle and say a prayer for everyone in trouble and also say thanks for the the good things that have happened this year? Even things like having a warm bed to sleep in, warm cooked food, etc. Are there any carole concets happening near you? Donate to the local food bank (Don't forget the dog/cat food!) give to The Salvation Army. Funnily enough although I said you should be happy, I think humans feel happiest when they help others. Not in a giving all yourself away thing, but concious, purposeful giving/caring. 

    I really hope some of that helps even a tiny bit, and that you manage to survive the season unscathed. 

  • in reply to LateToTheAlphaQuadrant

    Thank you.

    LateToTheAlphaQuadrant said:
    I had a bad childhood, I've just been diagnosed with cPTSD becuae of it,

    I am so sorry.

    Thank you for sharing some of your experiences and tips.

    LateToTheAlphaQuadrant said:
    It doesn't have to be any more or less than that. 

    I think that's worth bearing in mind.

  • in reply to B

    HI, I should apologise, my post was very, 'Me, me, me' I should have put myself in your shoes more. I imagine it can be very hard trying to ignore something that's in your face, really from September these days. It is absolutely OK to not want to take part. It is absolutely fine to ignore it all. Doesn't mean you are being a 'grinch' it means you are protecting your mentall wellbeing. You could gift yourself the gift of not taking part. Slight smile Maybe have an anitchristmas day. Have your favourite meal rather than a turkey dinner, watch whatever you like on tv, even if that's a Halloween special. Have a lie in, if you have a bath have a nice bubbly one? Maybe wrap up warm and go for a walk? Like I posted down there \/ I will pop in on Christmas Day to say Hi to everyone and see how you are if you'd like?

    As for gifts, I know it's hard, but could you text/Whatsapp eveyone and just explain that money is a bit tight this year so could you skip presents or you will just be getting small, token gifts, like a bar of chocolate? Anyone that truely cares for you will accept willingly and with the cost of living you might find they agree and are relieved. 

  • in reply to LateToTheAlphaQuadrant
    LateToTheAlphaQuadrant said:
    I should apologise

    You shouldn't!

    This is about us rather than me.

    Thank you for your practical tips.

    Some of the things I listed in my OP no longer apply to me in my present place in life but the trauma of Christmases past stays with us I think.

    This time of year I just sink into depression.

    I knew others here would feel similar and wanted this to be a place where we can share our feelings and perhaps help one another.

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