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Christmas!

ChrisRuthPeggy

How does anyone cope with Christmas and New Year social expectations?  Although I have very few friends, there's the obligation to buy presents which seems to have become swapping boxes of chocolates, chocolate biscuits or bottles of something.  Not forgetting the 'unwanted/unneeded' gifts.  Christmas cards to people you don't 'know'.

Fortunately (or not) we don't have any extended family who we feel obliged to invite for Christmas dinner - just as well as cooking is just not my thing!!

Now, I face a dilemma - hubs is a social animal which goes against the grain of us AuDHD'ers.  Another, sort of, fortunate thing is that we have a 'holiday lodge' on an Isle of Wight holiday park, so we leg it down there.  Yes, parties, but somehow the 'friends' we have down there are few and far between, plus they're not neighbours and seldom see them, so when I make a complete idiot of myself it's not as bad as being at home.  I cope by having too many bevvies and spending all my time on the dance floor.  I know they think I'm crazy down there, so being crazy and old kinda lets me get away with it - well that's what I keep trying to tell myself!

What do you do?

XX

Parents

  • We always travel to my in-laws.  I used to cope because there was enough music and drinking to distract me from not being able to have the food I necessarily want.  My in-laws don't like cooking for a crowd and get really stressed, we actually love cooking and have convinced them to let us do Christmas dinner once.  But their view is we're guests so should be waited on.  I hate it. 

    It's got worse since they moved house and have got a little older, there's no music, less drinking and now there's children running around so the unstructured noise levels have risen.

    I burnt out earlier this year and have now been diagnosed with AuDHD (I had no idea).  I realise I used to drink to shut out the noise in my head.  I've started on medication which is helping with the noise in my head and I can now plan my days and time better.  Except when I'm there and there's no plan, no structure, and no music.

    My wife has explained to them that I've paused my degree apprentice and that we're struggling and having couples counselling but no more information than that.  They won't mention any of it to us while we're there and I'm struggling with thoughts of how to explain anything to them.

    So not looking forward to it massively!

    I've said to my wife that I'm going to make the cranberry sauce I like with port and orange (they have shop bought redcurrant jelly).  I will also take some proper decaff coffee beans (I've had to stop drinking caffeine) to make sure I get some decent coffee over the break.  I'm sick of not having brown sauce available (I don't like Ketchup) so will take my own.  

    I'm starting on the road of self advocacy but worry they'll see this as an insult to their tastes (my own family would have treated this as completely normal!)

  • in reply to RichardPH

    Ooo, I posted something somewhere on here that I 'put my foot down' regarding Christmas obligations to have mother-in-law here.  Kids, don't do them!!  It always makes me smile when you see those adverts for washing pods and it says "keep away from children" - says it all!!  I also have only recently been diagnosed with AuDHD - I don't like labels, but it does 'explain' how my brain works.  I'm on a mission to adjust life to suit my brain, rather than try (unsuccessfully) to get my brain to suit 'life' (does that make sense?)

    We have joint psychotherapy (which we have privately and pay for - ouch what happened to the huge amount of our hard earned wages taken for whatever it's supposed to be funding - grrr!)  The main issue with us is that hubs can't understand how my weird brain works; but then I struggle with how his - hmm, 'normal' brain works.

    Music is fab!  We do crazy partying as we go away, but a few bevvies and a night on the dance floor does wonders!  Funny games are great, things like Charades, passing an apple or something similar to each other chin only, creating a story person by person is also fun!  But maybe that's just what people like us think whereas others prefer to be doing 'techno' things!

    If they feel insulted it's their problem.  I would suggest that you and your Mrs find some way of escaping -perhaps going on holiday ("just for a change"), that might help with any issues between you two.  We often forget (or get tied up in 'necessities' and 'obligations') that we lose sight of what's precious in our lives, there's no second chances and it's there for us to enjoy and make the most of while we can.

    One last question - how can anyone not like ketchup?

    XX

Reply
  • in reply to RichardPH

    Ooo, I posted something somewhere on here that I 'put my foot down' regarding Christmas obligations to have mother-in-law here.  Kids, don't do them!!  It always makes me smile when you see those adverts for washing pods and it says "keep away from children" - says it all!!  I also have only recently been diagnosed with AuDHD - I don't like labels, but it does 'explain' how my brain works.  I'm on a mission to adjust life to suit my brain, rather than try (unsuccessfully) to get my brain to suit 'life' (does that make sense?)

    We have joint psychotherapy (which we have privately and pay for - ouch what happened to the huge amount of our hard earned wages taken for whatever it's supposed to be funding - grrr!)  The main issue with us is that hubs can't understand how my weird brain works; but then I struggle with how his - hmm, 'normal' brain works.

    Music is fab!  We do crazy partying as we go away, but a few bevvies and a night on the dance floor does wonders!  Funny games are great, things like Charades, passing an apple or something similar to each other chin only, creating a story person by person is also fun!  But maybe that's just what people like us think whereas others prefer to be doing 'techno' things!

    If they feel insulted it's their problem.  I would suggest that you and your Mrs find some way of escaping -perhaps going on holiday ("just for a change"), that might help with any issues between you two.  We often forget (or get tied up in 'necessities' and 'obligations') that we lose sight of what's precious in our lives, there's no second chances and it's there for us to enjoy and make the most of while we can.

    One last question - how can anyone not like ketchup?

    XX

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