Christmas!

We always travel to my in-laws.  I used to cope because there was enough music and drinking to distract me from not being able to have the food I necessarily want.  My in-laws don't like cooking for a crowd and get really stressed, we actually love cooking and have convinced them to let us do Christmas dinner once.  But their view is we're guests so should be waited on.  I hate it. 

It's got worse since they moved house and have got a little older, there's no music, less drinking and now there's children running around so the unstructured noise levels have risen.

I burnt out earlier this year and have now been diagnosed with AuDHD (I had no idea).  I realise I used to drink to shut out the noise in my head.  I've started on medication which is helping with the noise in my head and I can now plan my days and time better.  Except when I'm there and there's no plan, no structure, and no music.

My wife has explained to them that I've paused my degree apprentice and that we're struggling and having couples counselling but no more information than that.  They won't mention any of it to us while we're there and I'm struggling with thoughts of how to explain anything to them.

So not looking forward to it massively!

I've said to my wife that I'm going to make the cranberry sauce I like with port and orange (they have shop bought redcurrant jelly).  I will also take some proper decaff coffee beans (I've had to stop drinking caffeine) to make sure I get some decent coffee over the break.  I'm sick of not having brown sauce available (I don't like Ketchup) so will take my own.  

I'm starting on the road of self advocacy but worry they'll see this as an insult to their tastes (my own family would have treated this as completely normal!)

Hi Richard, a lot of what you have said is remarkably similar to me. I am also AuDHD and have recently started medication so have stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine. I also used alcohol a lot to cope with noisy social situations, particularly a Christmas at my mother-in-law's house which is always noisy and crowded and a chore to get through. I have started cooking the Christmas lunch myself there, pretty much single handed, which my mother in law is more than happy for me to do. I have to spend an hour sorting out the chaos of the kitchen first, and deal with people getting in my way but I enjoy cooking so it gives me something to focus on rather than having to listen to the boring opinions and stories of various annoying relatives. I haven't figured out how I am going to approach the alcohol question yet. Last time I was there two years ago, I didn't drink at all and it went ok, so I should probably stick with that. I drank a lot all through December last year, when we spent Christmas with my family, and it really affected me in January when I felt the lowest I have probably ever felt, for a couple of months. Generally I don't have too much going on this Christmas but the few social occasions I will be at, I feel like some alcohol would be really helpful, but the trouble is, I have always struggled with just having a little bit. I am either dry, or I am drinking heavily.

I always take bread sauce to the in-laws with me on Christmas day and every year without fail I have to hear my in laws telling me it's weird and doesn't taste of anything blah blah blah. I don't know why it bothers them so much, especially when I am doing all the cooking! I just expect it and ignore it now. I don't like cranberry sauce but I don't care if someone wants to have that!

Self advocacy is great but don't feel like you have to explain anything. It's difficult when people start asking prying questions but you don't owe anyone an explanation for anything as it's none of their business. None of my family know about my AuDHD diagnoses as I don't want the hassle of explaining it to them. They have some quite outdated views on the prevalence of diagnosis etc and I just don't see it as my job to convince them otherwise. Everything I am doing in getting diagnosed and medicated and making other changes is for the benefit of me and my wife and kids so what they think about it is completely irrelevant.

Hi Richard, a lot of what you have said is remarkably similar to me. I am also AuDHD and have recently started medication so have stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine. I also used alcohol a lot to cope with noisy social situations, particularly a Christmas at my mother-in-law's house which is always noisy and crowded and a chore to get through. I have started cooking the Christmas lunch myself there, pretty much single handed, which my mother in law is more than happy for me to do. I have to spend an hour sorting out the chaos of the kitchen first, and deal with people getting in my way but I enjoy cooking so it gives me something to focus on rather than having to listen to the boring opinions and stories of various annoying relatives. I haven't figured out how I am going to approach the alcohol question yet. Last time I was there two years ago, I didn't drink at all and it went ok, so I should probably stick with that. I drank a lot all through December last year, when we spent Christmas with my family, and it really affected me in January when I felt the lowest I have probably ever felt, for a couple of months. Generally I don't have too much going on this Christmas but the few social occasions I will be at, I feel like some alcohol would be really helpful, but the trouble is, I have always struggled with just having a little bit. I am either dry, or I am drinking heavily.

I always take bread sauce to the in-laws with me on Christmas day and every year without fail I have to hear my in laws telling me it's weird and doesn't taste of anything blah blah blah. I don't know why it bothers them so much, especially when I am doing all the cooking! I just expect it and ignore it now. I don't like cranberry sauce but I don't care if someone wants to have that!

Self advocacy is great but don't feel like you have to explain anything. It's difficult when people start asking prying questions but you don't owe anyone an explanation for anything as it's none of their business. None of my family know about my AuDHD diagnoses as I don't want the hassle of explaining it to them. They have some quite outdated views on the prevalence of diagnosis etc and I just don't see it as my job to convince them otherwise. Everything I am doing in getting diagnosed and medicated and making other changes is for the benefit of me and my wife and kids so what they think about it is completely irrelevant.