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Christmas!

ChrisRuthPeggy

How does anyone cope with Christmas and New Year social expectations?  Although I have very few friends, there's the obligation to buy presents which seems to have become swapping boxes of chocolates, chocolate biscuits or bottles of something.  Not forgetting the 'unwanted/unneeded' gifts.  Christmas cards to people you don't 'know'.

Fortunately (or not) we don't have any extended family who we feel obliged to invite for Christmas dinner - just as well as cooking is just not my thing!!

Now, I face a dilemma - hubs is a social animal which goes against the grain of us AuDHD'ers.  Another, sort of, fortunate thing is that we have a 'holiday lodge' on an Isle of Wight holiday park, so we leg it down there.  Yes, parties, but somehow the 'friends' we have down there are few and far between, plus they're not neighbours and seldom see them, so when I make a complete idiot of myself it's not as bad as being at home.  I cope by having too many bevvies and spending all my time on the dance floor.  I know they think I'm crazy down there, so being crazy and old kinda lets me get away with it - well that's what I keep trying to tell myself!

What do you do?

XX

Parents

  • During my youth, I'd put a lot of effort on Christmas and other social events.

    I'd get angry that my dad, and his dad too, would disappear on those dates and family events. 

    The few times they were there, they were anxious and lost. And slowly but surely these events became just too much for me, too.

    Maybe due to them, my behaviour was accepted as well. I am grateful for it, and I do contribute in other ways (may mow the grass, or send a letter, or a scripted phone call with funny questions). 

    It was also about being ready to revert some "yes sure" to "no way".

    This year, I treat 24 through 31st as "catastrophe time", and have stocked up for the week, on which I will be reading.

    -------

    In short what worked for me was to think in advance how to say I wont participate, but that I could help in some way, or get in touch eventually.

    A few times, I'd just participate for shorter time, other times would be away, I think each person has to find what feels like a reasonable path for their own circumstances.

    I feel like in some cases, it's profound empathy for others being disappointed why some of us do things, and in turn hurt ourselves. So working out "small adjustments" can be useful for a start.

Reply

  • During my youth, I'd put a lot of effort on Christmas and other social events.

    I'd get angry that my dad, and his dad too, would disappear on those dates and family events. 

    The few times they were there, they were anxious and lost. And slowly but surely these events became just too much for me, too.

    Maybe due to them, my behaviour was accepted as well. I am grateful for it, and I do contribute in other ways (may mow the grass, or send a letter, or a scripted phone call with funny questions). 

    It was also about being ready to revert some "yes sure" to "no way".

    This year, I treat 24 through 31st as "catastrophe time", and have stocked up for the week, on which I will be reading.

    -------

    In short what worked for me was to think in advance how to say I wont participate, but that I could help in some way, or get in touch eventually.

    A few times, I'd just participate for shorter time, other times would be away, I think each person has to find what feels like a reasonable path for their own circumstances.

    I feel like in some cases, it's profound empathy for others being disappointed why some of us do things, and in turn hurt ourselves. So working out "small adjustments" can be useful for a start.

Children
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