Hello,
I feel like I’m constantly in a cycle and a loop. As in I tell myself I’m going to work on x y and z one day and then the next I completely restart. Things I was meant to keep on top of slip off and get forgotten with in a day or less. It feels as if everything comes in and gets flushed out, and I feel in myself like a cake not fully baked, just very watery.
Then when it comes to interacting with people it feels as if I have to consolidate something so it looks like I’m baked to other people, and really the consistency is really watery. It’s like there’s nothing to hold on to, whilst everyone around me has some sort of solid consistency.
some of it is my fault - I do spend too long on social media and indulge in other addictive escapes when I can’t cope with things. It feels often that reality and fantasy is all jumbled up, my idealistic thinking feels like concrete and the realistic things get left behind. I get so excited over things sometimes it feels like real action will happen, then it doesn’t.
It’s like everyone is moving in some sort of direction and I’m just stuck wobbling everywhere. I do need routine but I struggle to take in and listen to other people’s advice at times, and often want to figure out things myself, as I feel as if I don’t even know the most simple of things (and thus prefer to avoid embarrassing myself).
I wish that one day I could feel more baked in, or I’m going to need to keep masking which will eat me alive eventually. Does anyone relate to this?
