Reading the psychiatrist report

It may be a common feeling because I experienced it nearly two years ago, and the memory remains vivid. 

I knew what the report was likely to say. It reported much of what I was expecting it to say - yet it was surprisingly uncomfortable reading. I think it was something to do with seeing it in black print on paper. Also, it used some words that I didn’t use for things we talked about, and it felt like a criticism even though it wasn’t. It was just a different choice of words. 

I think I’m fortunate because my assessors included positive aspects of my autism, e.g., eye for detail, loyalty, reliable, truthful, rule keeper. It also detailed my knowledge of a couple of subjects, and things I do that are beneficial for my mental health, so those bits felt ok. 

Well, for an assessment, everyone is concentrating on the difficulties and limitations because the process is about diagnosing a 'disorder'. Whether or not it should be like this is moot. It results in a report that is a distillation of all the negative aspects of anyone being assessed, so it will be a bit of a 'downer' to read. It is inevitable, like taxes.

I recognise that my autism has disadvantages, but also advantages. On my diagnostic report there was no mention of my abilities in problem solving, my remarkable eye for detail or that I am honest, loyal and kind.