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Responding to 'Why would you need that?'

Fibonacci Squid

This was actually from my very well meaning supervisor, but when explaining that I worked from home one day a week so that I would be able to do a DSA support call for my autism (the uni has 0 places on campus to take a teams call Angry)   response was pretty much 'What is that, and why would you need it?'

First of all, working out and phrasing concisely exactly what a DSA mentor does is not easy, especially in the moment. And academics in general don't know anything about what DSA is or what it does (partly by design). 

But also, I know that the reason she is in a position to ask "Why would you need it?" is because of the 4 years of having a DSA mentor and study skills support worker. This vaguely functional PhD student is the work of many years, and had she been involved in my undergraduate days, the need would have been immediately obvious. However, new challenges turn up all the time, so having that support maintained is very useful (also DSA have continued to see fit to assign me the money to pay the mentor so they clearly think I still need it)

This isn't the first time this has happened, people see me do something well with accommodations, and ask why I needed the accommodations if I could do it like that. The assumption I'd be equally good without the accommodations is ridiculous of course, but they don't tend to notice that bit. 

Anyway, I just was wondering how you guys respond to this kind of interaction? When people see the success, and the accommodation, but don't seem able to put two and two together, and assume that means you'd do equally well without the accommodation. 

Also, what accommodation/support/technique is making a quiet world of difference in your life?

  • Fibonacci Squid said:
    'What is that, and why would you need it?'

    I would keep it simple and emphasise that it is for a disability so they should realise that it is not something to push back against and ideally they should educate themselves about it.

    A simple description of what a DSA is would be the best start

    A specialist mentor is DSA-funded one-to-one non-medical help for students with autism or a mental-health condition, building organisation, planning and coping strategies, not academic tutoring or therapy.

    You do not need to explain why you need it - that is largely personal information and if they cannot get their head around why you need it then ask then to speak to the department who organises the DSA for you. 

    I would keep it polite, pointing out that discussing your personal medical condition is uncomfortable and unnecessary but the university has already agreed it is necessary, hence the DSA

    You can ask the mentor to speak to your supervisor to help them understand the boundaries they should not cross in interrogating you like this.

    That would be my approach.

  • I am not very good at detecting the intent behind words said by others.

    I think i tend to read them either as if they were said by myself, or just the most negative possible way.

    So take my comment below with that context.

    My strategy has been to consider "what positive things can i list about this person and our interactions". If the list is meaningful or long, then I assume I must be misreading the other person's intent: either it was well meant or I may be doing something incorrectly.

    Sometimes I think this makes me too permissive,  but it is what I do now, and removes some social interaction effort and also reduces rumination.

    Doesn't answer your question directly,  it is just one minor comment.