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How do you cope?

ChrisRuthPeggy
Alexa kindly suggested starting a thread on coping techniques giving loads of tips and advice.  This is what I posted:

"Anyway, what I want to ask is for information and direction in how to cope with certain situations, activities and such.  Everyday things are challenging - shopping, housework, disorganisation and 'losing' things are a nightmare.  I don't know how to 'join in' on conversations - unable to express myself and, as such often saying the 'wrong' thing; topics of no interest to me ... The thing is that others don't understand how my mind works but, equally I don't understand how other peoples minds work.  Things that make total sense to me leave others confused and things that make total sense to others leave me confused!

I'm a research addict (comes with the territory) and have found some great resources.  I was wondering whether, if it's allowed, I could post some of the things I have found useful which may help others.  Some YouTube stuff and at least one book.  I would be so grateful if anyone could give me some advice on coping."

I've added something I sent to the AuDHD team:

"Living with AuDHD is certainly not easy, but maybe even harder for those around us as they face trying to understand our quirky behaviour!
Since receiving an explanation (through diagnosis) somehow many things now make more sense.  Ooo, people with AuDHD never make any sense (hehe!!)
As I mentioned, my thirst for knowledge drives me into a research frenzy - comes with the territory!  So, I'm sending these links which, as I've found informative, may help others (skip through the ads).  It's so difficult and I would be so grateful to hear how other people manage.
Odd Things Autistic People Do That Others Don't (Top 10)
Autism and ADHD: How to Cope With a Dual Diagnosis | Siri Nelson | TEDxUAlberta
I've also found a book (well, I'll hunt for it as it must be lying around somewhere in the disorganisation of an ADHD household!) : Found it!! "Order from Chaos - the everyday grind of staying organized with Adult ADHD" by Jaclyn Paul which I've been drawing on for tips and tricks to make life easier (and less chaotic).  There's some good stuff in there and I'd highly recommend it.
I would very much benefit from some sort of on-line group (perhaps restricted Facebook or Telegram group) where we 'neurodiverse' people can share stuff - both the sad, good and things that make us giggle!"
So here I am, joining an on-line group - wow!!
Amongst the chaos this is something I turn to (as well as gardening) when the world becomes too much: Hilarious Jack Russell Goes Crazy with Excitement at Crufts 2017!
Thanks

Parents

  • Glad your diagnosis has helped you make sense of many things. I can identify with that.

    I love researching online too, but not always for things to do with autism or ADHD. I watch YouTube occasionally, but I find the advertisements are too much 'in my face' and much prefer written information as I can control the speed and content of the details.

  • in reply to ChrisRuthPeggy

    Paranoia setting in!!!  Hoping for a response - life fascinates (and scares) me.  I love gardening, I'm not great at it, but it's my place to escape, so I spend a lot of time researching plants, garden designs and the like.  I've just started (at 65!) to try and learn how to play the guitar - hmm, difficult with AuDHD, but it takes me away from things (music is a great coping and motivating thing).  Psychology, philosophy and research methodology are probably my greatest passion.  I do use the Internet a lot for ideas ("images of ...").  I also watch YouTube stuff (yeh, the adverts can be a nuisance, but some of them are interesting, particularly those that appear when I'm doing Solitaire).  I'm constantly looking for ideas.  Sometimes when I feel low I call on YouTube for something to cheer me up - animals doing funny things (although a lot of the videos are a bit naff).  I've recently started watching those Talent YouTubes, only those that show how amazing people are.

    What I'm not interested in is politics, sport and gossip!!

    The therapist I see says I need to find "like minded people" - hmm, surely there must be someone out there?!!!

    Hope you respond X

  • in reply to ChrisRuthPeggy
    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    The thing is that nothing has changed, society is still following the path that history has shown doesn't work (grrrr)!

    Indeed. When I regretfully left Christianity, I spent a while as a Quaker and became acquainted with the work of a psychologist employed by the Home office to work (on the Isle of Wight if I remember correctly) with sex offenders and particularly with paedophiles. His work had good results to reducing reoffending. Unfortunately, once the paediphile witch-hunts took off, the Home Office dropped him and his programme, presumably for PR reasons. The UK has never really embraced rehabilitation and favours retribution, which is a lost opportunity as well as a costly preference.

    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    I used to do the research, write in sort of 'bullet points' and learn them parrot fashion! 

    The Open University taught me from the outset to use mind maps, which I found invaluable. By the time I gained my degree (I took my time!) I used them to plot novels.These days, I also rely heavily on spreadsheets.

    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    "surreptitiously smuggled shoulder fired surface to air missile"

    Poetry! Possibly 'shell' rather than 'missile' but the latter retains the repeated 's' and a two-syllable word pleases the ear more as an end to the phrase than a single syllable. 

    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    One of the things with writing academically is that you write in the third person, so it's not you but, at the same time, reflects who you are - does that make sense?

    Yes. When I started writing novels, I decided to use the first person, for more immediacy, but that has limitations. The third person is quite liberating. 

  • in reply to Alexa

    Criminology was an eye-opener.  I did situational, opportunist, different views on why people commit 'crimes'; how society defines what constitutes a 'crime'; prisons and their history; policing.  The thing is that nothing has changed, society is still following the path that history has shown doesn't work (grrrr)!

    As I already had a mental health diagnosis (not autism and ADHD), I managed to 'escape' most lectures and carried out my own research in the safety of home.  When it came to exams I didn't have to sit in a table by table room, instead could find a quiet corner where I was alone or with one or two other people who suffered from anxiety.  I used to do the research, write in sort of 'bullet points' and learn them parrot fashion!  Hehe, with the help of hubs, we managed to get in some sort of weird stuff that was easier to remember as well as jokes about dates and sources: "surreptitiously smuggled shoulder fired surface to air missile".  Yes it was a quote from an academic source!!  Why not!!!

    Fortunately, the college was within driving distance from home.  I think the autism thing came from the intensity of interest and the urge to read, read, read and read even more!  One of the things with writing academically is that you write in the third person, so it's not you but, at the same time, reflects who you are - does that make sense?

    XXX

Reply
  • in reply to Alexa

    Criminology was an eye-opener.  I did situational, opportunist, different views on why people commit 'crimes'; how society defines what constitutes a 'crime'; prisons and their history; policing.  The thing is that nothing has changed, society is still following the path that history has shown doesn't work (grrrr)!

    As I already had a mental health diagnosis (not autism and ADHD), I managed to 'escape' most lectures and carried out my own research in the safety of home.  When it came to exams I didn't have to sit in a table by table room, instead could find a quiet corner where I was alone or with one or two other people who suffered from anxiety.  I used to do the research, write in sort of 'bullet points' and learn them parrot fashion!  Hehe, with the help of hubs, we managed to get in some sort of weird stuff that was easier to remember as well as jokes about dates and sources: "surreptitiously smuggled shoulder fired surface to air missile".  Yes it was a quote from an academic source!!  Why not!!!

    Fortunately, the college was within driving distance from home.  I think the autism thing came from the intensity of interest and the urge to read, read, read and read even more!  One of the things with writing academically is that you write in the third person, so it's not you but, at the same time, reflects who you are - does that make sense?

    XXX

Children
  • in reply to ChrisRuthPeggy
    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    The thing is that nothing has changed, society is still following the path that history has shown doesn't work (grrrr)!

    Indeed. When I regretfully left Christianity, I spent a while as a Quaker and became acquainted with the work of a psychologist employed by the Home office to work (on the Isle of Wight if I remember correctly) with sex offenders and particularly with paedophiles. His work had good results to reducing reoffending. Unfortunately, once the paediphile witch-hunts took off, the Home Office dropped him and his programme, presumably for PR reasons. The UK has never really embraced rehabilitation and favours retribution, which is a lost opportunity as well as a costly preference.

    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    I used to do the research, write in sort of 'bullet points' and learn them parrot fashion! 

    The Open University taught me from the outset to use mind maps, which I found invaluable. By the time I gained my degree (I took my time!) I used them to plot novels.These days, I also rely heavily on spreadsheets.

    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    "surreptitiously smuggled shoulder fired surface to air missile"

    Poetry! Possibly 'shell' rather than 'missile' but the latter retains the repeated 's' and a two-syllable word pleases the ear more as an end to the phrase than a single syllable. 

    ChrisRuthPeggy said:
    One of the things with writing academically is that you write in the third person, so it's not you but, at the same time, reflects who you are - does that make sense?

    Yes. When I started writing novels, I decided to use the first person, for more immediacy, but that has limitations. The third person is quite liberating.