Hi,
I’m looking for any advice. I am with my bf five years now. He’s amazing, very loving and thoughtful. But, a disagreement always gets completely blown out of proportion even if it’s something small. Last weekend he came around and I felt like everything I said annoyed him and then when I stopped talking he didn’t like that either. I’m the end he said something and I just told him to leave, which he did. He sent me some absolutely awful texts saying things that I just didn’t deserve. For example he said the dinner I cooked wasn’t good enough, that I had just used leftovers to make it. I explained why I hadn’t spent 3 hours making dinner and that I certainly hadn’t used leftovers. But he decided that I should make as much effort as he does when I go to his place. He was just furious and there were more awful comments. It ended with him telling me to wait a week or two to contact him. We are both 50 and i’ve never known anyone to go from normal to this level of anger so quickly. Anytime there’s a disagreement he completely gets more angry than the argument warrants and he says the most hurtful things. He doesn’t listen and I feel he twists everything I say. I feel like he’s more interested in being right than actually listening to me or trying to sort the problem. There have been other occasions when he has withdrawn and won’t talk or see me. I have done some reading about autism, I was actually doing some research because of an autistic family member. The more I read the more it sounded like him. He has asked me a few times if I think he’s autistic and I’ve said yes. But that was the beginning and end of the conversation. And not wanting to cause upset I just left it at that. We are engaged and are planning our life together but how can I live with someone who will ignore me for weeks or months at a time. I plan to actually have this conversation with him in the coming days. It may cause him to take himself away for another couple of weeks but I it has to be said, I can’t deal with this by myself. I have no idea if he would be willing to be assessed. I think if he was willing to at least consider that he might be autistic we can try to understand it together. He is so wonderful and we feel we are soul mates. The anger and how quickly a minor disagreement escalates is so upsetting and exhausting. And then I can be left for weeks at a time alone and feeling miserable and then I’m replaying it in my head and wonder was it my fault after all. If it is autism then I understand it’s not his fault, but we both need help. Does anyone else experience this behaviour and have any advice?
