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Limerence and RSD - the real nightmare

nidriks

How is limerence broken? I can't do it any longer. She occupies so many of my waking thoughts. She's often the first thought upon waking. I'll be honest - I've developed an honesty and lack of embarrassment about my life since looking in to Autism - and say I've pushed away every woman I ever cared about because of RSD. I've pushed away friends too, or just not kept in touch. There was one guy who I actively avoided because he would boss me around and I couldn't stand up to him and tell him I didn't like it, so I avoided him.

I'd never heard of limerence until this year, and with all my research it's easy to identify that it's been a long term partner to me. RSD has too.

Couple them together and it's possibly the most devastating thing I think I could ever experience. I know I've experienced it before, but knowing what it is now almost makes it worse.

I've tried to be passive, to keep my distance. I'd got on well with her, as colleagues, and she seemed to take exception to that. She would actively draw me back in. I'm not saying she was trying to tell me she was interested, but my limerence might have said that.

I don't envy anyone who experiences this painful combination of things. But she is moving jobs soon, so I won't see her. In a way it's a good thing but it also feels painful. Hopefully I can heal.

How did people who've experience this deal with it? Is it often that they move away?

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  • I had to look it up because I've never heard of it. Wow! Every time I've fallen in love it's been that intense awful obsession that I could only break by living with someone. The only time I had it and couldn't do that, it didn't fade until about five years after I stopped seeing the person. Fortunately, they didn't live in the same area and also moved jobs, so I never saw them and hardly ever heard of them again. But yes, it's painful and (for me) impossible to control..

  • in reply to Alexa

    There's something I've noticed recently about limerence. My current particular limerent other, well, as I said, she is in my mind all the time. The is barely an hour that goes past when she doesn't crop up. Only when I'm on holiday from work does she fade. I spent a week in Copenhagen and my mind was free for a short time. Well, freer.

    But...there is a phrase I see a lot in neurodivergent circles, and it's out of sight, out of mind. Now this is the contrast. I have recently had a bit of a disagreement with someone I've known a long time. I don't go into the details, but she's ignoring me completely. To be blunt, whilst I was a little anxious about it at first, I've stopped really caring. If she wants to be like that, so be it. I've thrown friends away all my life. If people aren't around then I just don't think about them. I'll stop contacting them and they might as well not exist. It's not through malice that I do that. That's just me.

    But, with my limerent other that is less the case. My impression of her is so deeply ingrained that I wonder how long it will truly take to come out. In the wash, so to speak. And it is an image. The person I developed limerence for was not the person she really is.

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  • in reply to Alexa

    There's something I've noticed recently about limerence. My current particular limerent other, well, as I said, she is in my mind all the time. The is barely an hour that goes past when she doesn't crop up. Only when I'm on holiday from work does she fade. I spent a week in Copenhagen and my mind was free for a short time. Well, freer.

    But...there is a phrase I see a lot in neurodivergent circles, and it's out of sight, out of mind. Now this is the contrast. I have recently had a bit of a disagreement with someone I've known a long time. I don't go into the details, but she's ignoring me completely. To be blunt, whilst I was a little anxious about it at first, I've stopped really caring. If she wants to be like that, so be it. I've thrown friends away all my life. If people aren't around then I just don't think about them. I'll stop contacting them and they might as well not exist. It's not through malice that I do that. That's just me.

    But, with my limerent other that is less the case. My impression of her is so deeply ingrained that I wonder how long it will truly take to come out. In the wash, so to speak. And it is an image. The person I developed limerence for was not the person she really is.

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