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Hello New here and a question on lonliness

Retro

Hi all, I’ve know about this society for a while now and thought I’d give it ago, my sister told me about it a while back and thought it be a good idea to try and talk here so got the confidence at midnight to do so lol, just turned 22 recently and been diagnosed with autism I believe 4 or 3 years and ADHD I think for a year now ( I struggle to keep track ) and also recently finally got on some medication which will hopefully help

Now I’m sure this question has been has been asked alot but, currently at uni and had some falling outs sadly 6 - 7 months ago now and some not nice things said to me so that probably is affecting it.

Anyways the question being even though I know I have some friends even if it’s not too many and I know I have family and loved ones around me. Is it still normal to feel really lonely? Like even the times I go out with family or the rare times I get to go out with a friend I still feel really lonely. anyone feel like this or just a me thing.

( also my first time using a forum this is so odd to me lol)

  • in reply to Alexa

    Yes our old friend or acquaintance Alexithymia. I just don't do the whole connection thing, it seems link my brain won't make the leap between knowing someone and true friendship.

    I seem to be missing various aspects my emotional make up, unfortunately for me it's the positive bits that seem the missing.

  • in reply to Alexa

    I’ve never heard of this I’ll certainly give a look into it, and nice to meet you Alexa ^^

  • Hi!  There are some friends that leave me feeling lonely in terms of being like people on separate islands and one friend that I don't have that with so I always feel lonely when we're apart. 

    I've only recently discovered alexithymia, which apparently affects many autistic people and I think is part of my problem with most relationships. This site gives an OK description of it, and you can take a test for it here. I was surprised to find I had a high score and I'm still trying to understand the consequences in my life, but it certainly explains many of my social struggles.

  • in reply to Nicola Mod

    Thank you Nicola I will have a look through that guidance page once I get a moment ^^

  • HI, I am confident this not just a you thing. I think it is quite common for autistic and possibly ADHD people...I don't think I am ADHD so cannot speak from experience of that.....You mention the "falling outs" six or seven months ago ....so do you think they are significant?.....they could well be..... Also university is different environment that can bring pressure and lower an ability you would otherwise have to cope.......so the answer is not a you thing, a common thing......you probably have follow up questions

  • Hi Retro, and welcome to the online community!  It's nice to have you here.  There are a lot of topics and conversations to get involved in here, so I hope you find something that you enjoy and manage to make some connections.

    I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely.  It certainly can be a common experience for autistic and neurodivergent people, for a variety of reasons.  NAS has a guidance page on loneliness for autistic folks here that you might find helpful to look at: Loneliness 
    It includes other autistic people's experiences of loneliness in their own lives, as well as some advice and links to external resources.

    I hope this is helpful to you, and remember that the online community is always here for you!  Wishing you all the best, and good luck at university!

    - Nicola Mod