The Use of Masks

Yes I think it's definitely that.

I see conciously using masks as empowering and that any mask is a facet of me, I'm not pretending as such, I'm just allowing a part of me to come to the fore.

I agree that "having" to mask all the time or for large chunks of the day is draining, physically and emotionally and obviously we need place and people who we can relax around.

Whilst I will jump when startled or cover my ears around loud noises, I don't stim, I realise this makes me a bit unusual, I also avoid getting excited where possible as for me theres no such thing as good adreniline because I have cPTSD.

One of the reasons I started this thread was to try and start a conversation about masking in general and as we seem to do it regularly and often conciously, so if we do it conciously why not try and make it work for us? Obviously we're going to feel knackered afterwards, but personally I'd rather be knackered with some benefit. I also think that so many of us feel so disempowered about masking and it's something we can't change, so how do we take our power back? For me its taking ownership of my masks, creating and changing them to suit me in the situation I find myself in.

How would others take back their power from somethng that you can't change? 

The thing with masking is how detrimental it can be. Yes people might say that masking has it's benefits but the trouble is just how much energy it takes. Constantly feeling that you can't be your true authentic self and express how your feeling is harmful. I think that us autistic people need spaces where we feel free to be ourselves and that often happens when we're in the company of other neurodivergent people. And I think it's also important for me to mention the fact that some of us can't mask, or at least not half as much as others. For me if there's a loud noise I will cover my ears instinctively. If I'm excited I will flap without even thinking, it's just an automatic reaction for me.

Do you know about aphantasia? It seems close to what you describe. 

Often, I feel that the main problem is the other way around: feeling forced to mask because of how people would react if we did not mask.

As an example, I dont like chit-chat and gossiping. That is neither my skill nor my interest, and would usually prefer sollitude. Similarly saying always "yes" was a way to reduce social interaction and people disliking me more.

Both are kinds of masking, and they used to be an issue. Often, masking is for me precisely overriding these natural tendencies.

The persistence of masking, seems to me quite related to the intolerance to those that are a bit different from whoever is most valuable or the norm, and the inertia towards accepting those with physical disabilities, or gay people, or trans people, people with dyed hair, or that like a specific music or dressing in a certain way.

(I recognise it is different angle from the one in the post.)

I don’t think masking is always harmful or wrong. It can be exhausting, but it’s not always harmful.

If I didn’t mask I wouldn’t be able to do all the things I want to do. 

I can't visualise at all. I don't see pictures inside my head. I can imagine things but never actually see what I'm imagining. It's really hard to explain. 

I think part of my difficulty is that I'm not sure what unmasked me actually is. I don't intentionally mask. It just happens so I'm never 100% sure when I'm doing it or if I fully unmask.

I do create new masks but not intentionally, it just happens. But I'm not aware of when I unmask or whether I just switch between masks.

I do agree, I think it confuses people when they are told they are masking as if it's something false like lying, when actually it's how society functions - even kids learn quickly what they can do at home is different to what is expected at school. You have to modify your behaviour for your environment.

I do use up so much more energy out in the world interacting with people than when I'm at home, so the extra energy use is really hard, I'm just wiped out and can barely do anything. Sometimes I just have to lie on the sofa for a bit with my eyes closed. 

I think thats where thinking of it like a dressing up box and conciously putting on a taking off a mask can be less exhausting. Maybe some of the exhaustion and cooties from being with other people all day stays with the mask and not on you? I guess it might depend on how good you are at visualisation, I'm very good at it and find it fairly easy to create new masks to wear and to take them off again. I find it a bit like thinking about what to wear for an ocaission, only without actually having to leave the house and go to the shops and finding they have nothing suitable. 

It is true that we wear masks in different situations. I have done that throughout my working life. A lot of my earlier life fitted my pace.

However also during that time life has become more challenging for many reasons. Particularly since the pandemic my work has become more difficult and at the same time my employer has been trying to save money, so not immediately replacing posts when people leave being one way. Also when I started working I expected to have retired nearly 4 years ago.  Then there are all the new challenges of technology and remembering passwords. The world has become a faster place.

Perhaps without all these changes I might have coped better to continue with a mask. I will never know.

I find that masking uses up an awful lot of my energy meaning I spend a lot of my time recovering from interacting with others. I also think that masking has taken a toll on my mental health.

Having said that, I don't think I could do my job without masking. I think I would get fired fairly quickly without it. So yes, I do think masking has a place but I'd like to learn not to have to do it all the time. And for it to be accepted in certain situations that I can just be me, whatever the heck that actually looks like.