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Self worth

B

Where do you think this comes from?

Background?

Education?

Wealth?

I suspect it's more subtle than these sorts of things, but I do note that people from certain backgrounds can appear much more self confident than others, and confidence can get you far in life.

I've lack confidence and a sense of self worth for much of my life but I do think that feedback has helped me and that has mainly been from being loved (always outside the family) and being told that my characteristics are appreciated.

There is also the question of life achievements/stages eg. degree, career, buying a home, marriage, having children.

If we don't 'achieve' these stages, I think that can unfairly affect our sense of self worth.

What do you think?

  • I lack confidence and self worth. I also failed to achieve ALL the things mentioned in your life achievements, to which you could add having friends or any money! My characteristics (gentleness, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, meticulousness, reliability, conscientiousness) are not generally appreciated by anyone it seems, they seem to be qualities that are scoffed at, scorned, dismissed, and, to others, a bewildering inconvenient nuisance, making me the problem in everything rather than an asset to anything!

  • B said:

    Where do you think this comes from?

    Background?

    Education?

    Wealth?

    B said:
    I do note that people from certain backgrounds can appear much more self confident than others, and confidence can get you far in life.

    Aristocrats and 'uppers' appear to have inborn self worth that has nothing to do with money or power - it comes from having a family history of success [perceived], whether or not their generation has money or power.

    I lacked self confidence until after University because of my working class background. It was not only reactions of middle class people [usually female] to perceived gaucheness, but my own shyness, lack of talent and position [as I then saw it]. Mother was constantly wanting to be 'better' - she was a lady's maid. When she screamed, 'you're a failure!' at my brother - I felt a 'failure' too at that time, but now realize she wanted to improve her lot vicariously through us and considered we had failed her.

    Now is different. I got on the road to career, lost it after being bullied out of the NHS for whistle-blowing but re-gained a sense of self by becoming a campaigner. I became an author but was crushed years later by a bad review [just1!]. I now count, 'success' as helping others and being kind when I can. I don't always succeed because I'm human but I've learned to forgive myself. Reading the news every day, I've learned to appreciate what I have, rather than what I think I want.

    B said:
    I do think that feedback has helped me and that has mainly been from being loved (always outside the family) and being told that my characteristics are appreciated.

    Yes, you ARE appreciated. I only 'know' you on here but love your posts and benefitted from many of them, whether or not I replied. Surely this is more important to self worth than arbitary blood relationships or certain kinds of friends [ones who are really, 'fiends' because they do not have your welfare at heart]. Self worth comes from within but it does need reinforcement from without, from someone/people whose opinion you value.