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Self worth

B

Where do you think this comes from?

Background?

Education?

Wealth?

I suspect it's more subtle than these sorts of things, but I do note that people from certain backgrounds can appear much more self confident than others, and confidence can get you far in life.

I've lack confidence and a sense of self worth for much of my life but I do think that feedback has helped me and that has mainly been from being loved (always outside the family) and being told that my characteristics are appreciated.

There is also the question of life achievements/stages eg. degree, career, buying a home, marriage, having children.

If we don't 'achieve' these stages, I think that can unfairly affect our sense of self worth.

What do you think?

Parents

  • Wow I could swing several different ways with this, since this is a topic I’ve struggled with for ages (given the depression). I’ll focus on one aspect, though.

    Self-worth is the biggest reason why I chose the job I’m in, yet it’s also increasingly why I’m leaning towards leaving it. I wanted a job where I could feel as though I am making a difference in the community (thereby raising self-worth), but now I’ve realized given several horrible case closures in the last month I also base my self-worth on the success/failure of people under my care. I literally just spoke with one of my bosses about the fact that three of the last major failures on our caseload was not either of our fault. They happened because our clients made incredibly terrible choices despite our support. Regardless, I still feel completely responsible.

    I had to leave teaching for the same reason (though there was tons of other reasons, ex. religious values and pay). I saw a downward trend in my students caring about doing work after COVID. It was so bad that one student was expecting me to pass her without doing work, and it felt like she was trying to convince me to ghostwrite music for her. Though it was obviously due to COVID, I still couldn’t shake that downward spiral in self-esteem.

    I see that starting to happen again now, so I’m almost ready to jump ship lol. I need a job where someone else’s performance isn’t reflective of mine.

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  • Wow I could swing several different ways with this, since this is a topic I’ve struggled with for ages (given the depression). I’ll focus on one aspect, though.

    Self-worth is the biggest reason why I chose the job I’m in, yet it’s also increasingly why I’m leaning towards leaving it. I wanted a job where I could feel as though I am making a difference in the community (thereby raising self-worth), but now I’ve realized given several horrible case closures in the last month I also base my self-worth on the success/failure of people under my care. I literally just spoke with one of my bosses about the fact that three of the last major failures on our caseload was not either of our fault. They happened because our clients made incredibly terrible choices despite our support. Regardless, I still feel completely responsible.

    I had to leave teaching for the same reason (though there was tons of other reasons, ex. religious values and pay). I saw a downward trend in my students caring about doing work after COVID. It was so bad that one student was expecting me to pass her without doing work, and it felt like she was trying to convince me to ghostwrite music for her. Though it was obviously due to COVID, I still couldn’t shake that downward spiral in self-esteem.

    I see that starting to happen again now, so I’m almost ready to jump ship lol. I need a job where someone else’s performance isn’t reflective of mine.

Children
  • in reply to profdanger

    That sounds incredibly difficult Prof. 

    I get where you are coming from because I experienced the issue of my performance as a teacher being tied to exam results. Leaving teaching was enforced upon me through diagnosis of a serious illness which ended up requiring years of treatment. It wasn’t nice but it sort of offered me a way out of teaching and on to other things.

    If you do leave, I hope you get something suitable where people share your values.

  • in reply to profdanger
    profdanger said:
    I need a job where someone else’s performance isn’t reflective of mine.

    I think you do and I can understand how you have ended up taking this all on board.

    Maybe something more in the background where you can support someone already successful might be better for you.

    All the best whatever you do.