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Does anyone else live with a hoarder?

Roy

As some of you know I live with my mother when I’m working away from home, I normally work for a month and then go home for two weeks.

My mothers house is becoming a worry, it’s quite a large property but the hoarding is causing me anxiety. I try to go upstairs but every step has junk on it, I’m also worried someone’s going to trip on the stairs. 
Spare bedrooms are full, every worktop and cupboard is full.

unworn new clothes hang everywhere, there must be 100 pairs of new shoes, garages and sheds are full of just things. Two chrome barstools were stacked in a shed last week because they were free at a fete.

I try to keep my annex quite minimalist but stuff is creeping in, a rocking chair was ordered last week,I’ve got to have the old unused armchair in my room, the previous two unused chairs are in other rooms with stuff on them.

We now have mice, I’ve caught 8 in the last week, I get little sleep as I find small rodents very overwhelming.

All my mother says is that when she’s gone I can get rid of it all, that on its own is overwhelming. 
I think my mother is autistic, is this hoarding a trait? 
sorry I’m really tired, more venting than anything.

Parents

  • I have a similar issue. My mother is also a hoarder also a large house completely full of stuff to the extent that there is nowhere to sit down. I now find it too overwhelming to visit her. Piles of books and artworks and stuff. I find it difficult to even speak to her these days she will usually just rant at me about how terrible her life is with no space for me to speak. After years of therapy many therapists have said that they think she is narcissistic and have suggested that I avoid her or see her as little as possible but I feel really guilty about not calling her or going to see her. When I do it often takes me days to get over the anxiety it causes. One day I will also probably inherit it all and it will likely be a massive headache. It seems very unfair. 

Reply

  • I have a similar issue. My mother is also a hoarder also a large house completely full of stuff to the extent that there is nowhere to sit down. I now find it too overwhelming to visit her. Piles of books and artworks and stuff. I find it difficult to even speak to her these days she will usually just rant at me about how terrible her life is with no space for me to speak. After years of therapy many therapists have said that they think she is narcissistic and have suggested that I avoid her or see her as little as possible but I feel really guilty about not calling her or going to see her. When I do it often takes me days to get over the anxiety it causes. One day I will also probably inherit it all and it will likely be a massive headache. It seems very unfair. 

Children
  • in reply to M

    The inheritance thing is another stick that’s used to beat us, I get remarks from people of “you’ll be alright when your mothers gone,” they don’t understand that I really couldn’t care about the money anymore. The key is to have enough contact but to put controls in place to protect ourselves.

  • in reply to M
    M said:
    but I feel really guilty about not calling her or going to see her

    That is a major problem and was with me.

    My husband said that he would have cut my mum off years before because of the way she treated me but I could never bring myself to do so even though I'm sure she detrimentally affected my mental and physical health with long lasting effect.

    I hope things get better for you one way or another.

    M said:
    therapists have said that they think she is narcissistic

    I think my mum was too along with other undiagnosed mental health conditions.