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Decision making and commitment

NAS69281

Hello Slight smile

Does anyone else have serious problems with making decisions and committing to those decisions? I'm not just talking about what to have for dinner, which is a daily struggle by the way. I'm talking about big life decisions. I cannot make them. 

I'm now in my mid thirties stuck in a dead end job because I cannot decide what career I actually want to commit to. I've thought about every career under the sun. I've applied for things and been offered things. I had a place to do teacher training a few years ago but backed out before accepting. Yesterday I was hovering over the apply button for an MA law conversion course and today I've changed my mind. I can't carry on like this as I don't earn enough to live in the job that I'm in. I also hate it. I need to commit to something that will pay me a proper wage, especially as a single person with no second income to rely on. But the part of me that makes decisions just seems to be broken. There is absolutely no support out there. I have trawled through the NAS list of therapists and have seen a few different ones none of whom have been able to help me. I feel like I can't be helped and I am just going to continue simple existing until I expire.

Sorry to be such a Debbie downer! 

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  • I'll be 35 next week and also struggle to make important life decisions or commit to things.

    For those that I have managed to sustain or commit to, I've often chunked them into phases, categorised as an experience, or tricked myself into deferring the decision-making element onto someone/thing unknown [ possibly fate?]. 

    My own example: Instead of deciding if I should get into more student debt by studying a masters course after years on zero-hour contracts and working in (hellish) public-facing roles, I set myself the goal of *applying* for a master's course, carefully reminding myself that it would really be the admissions team that would be making the decision for me, either by accepting or rejecting me.

    Near the end of the masters course, with a dismal labour market in the city I lived, rather than outright deciding if I should move for work, I sent applications out to companies that advertised jobs I liked the sound of regardless of location. I told myself it would be down to the recruiter / hiring manager to reject my application, invite me to an interview, or even offer me a job. I was simply expressing an interest in the job by applying. If invited for an interview, my attending is a signal that I would like to get to know more about the role and team more...I could withdraw my candidacy at any point and they could also turn me down at any point.


    This chunking /deferring the decision has sometimes lead me to do things that when I look back I think were pointless (£650 on weekly 2-hour language course straight after work in the dark of winter... attempt to buy a flat that took months and ended up falling through and wasting a load of money I won't get back) but at least I can console myself in the knowledge I tried and have lived a life more interesting and engaging than moping around wishing things were different.

    Obviously, that trick doesn't help with decisions only you can make alone...but they tend to be few and far between ;-)


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  • I'll be 35 next week and also struggle to make important life decisions or commit to things.

    For those that I have managed to sustain or commit to, I've often chunked them into phases, categorised as an experience, or tricked myself into deferring the decision-making element onto someone/thing unknown [ possibly fate?]. 

    My own example: Instead of deciding if I should get into more student debt by studying a masters course after years on zero-hour contracts and working in (hellish) public-facing roles, I set myself the goal of *applying* for a master's course, carefully reminding myself that it would really be the admissions team that would be making the decision for me, either by accepting or rejecting me.

    Near the end of the masters course, with a dismal labour market in the city I lived, rather than outright deciding if I should move for work, I sent applications out to companies that advertised jobs I liked the sound of regardless of location. I told myself it would be down to the recruiter / hiring manager to reject my application, invite me to an interview, or even offer me a job. I was simply expressing an interest in the job by applying. If invited for an interview, my attending is a signal that I would like to get to know more about the role and team more...I could withdraw my candidacy at any point and they could also turn me down at any point.


    This chunking /deferring the decision has sometimes lead me to do things that when I look back I think were pointless (£650 on weekly 2-hour language course straight after work in the dark of winter... attempt to buy a flat that took months and ended up falling through and wasting a load of money I won't get back) but at least I can console myself in the knowledge I tried and have lived a life more interesting and engaging than moping around wishing things were different.

    Obviously, that trick doesn't help with decisions only you can make alone...but they tend to be few and far between ;-)


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