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The outsider looking in

imekon

I recently got my autistic diagnosis. What I suspected for the last few years is true; I'm autistic.

It has brought a feeling that I'm broken. My partner tells me I'm not broken, just different.

Yet I still feel broken.

I've been standing outside, peering in through the window, unable to join in and wondering why. I went through some of this before. When I was 18, I realised I'm gay. The "moon fell" for me that day and I've been down ever since. I did go out and meet other gay men and finally met my current partner of over twenty years.

I'm in my mid 60's and feel I should have been told this decades ago, except science hadn't caught up with reality back then.

It feels hard to adjust to.

All those times I've struggled to fit in with social situations, now I know why. I did learn a little from my first boyfriend who seemed to be able to chat up anyone. Yet, I never could read the hidden cues that the majority understand and I don't.

Argh.

I'll work through this. It might take me a while. I've worked through heavy stuff before.

  • imekon said:
    I'll work through this. It might take me a while. I've worked through heavy stuff before.

    That's a good attitude to have. Best of luck with everything, take it one step at a time if need be, remember that some days it's okay to just rest and recover.

  • Congratulations on your diagnosis!

    As for many others, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything. It can be normal to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation after a diagnosis. I'm very glad to hear, in that context, that your partner is being supportive - sadly, that's not a universal experience for the newly diagnosed.

    The NAS has a great set of articles that you might find helpful as a starting point - including this one, which discusses how your feelings might change over time:

    NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people

    NAS - After diagnosis - including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

    Before arranging anything you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

    Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

    Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

    How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

  • Hi imekon, 

    I am 70+ and recently diagnosed autistic.  From what I have read, your post-assessment feelings seem to be quite common and quite natural. Even if they are uncomfortable.

    The recommendation post-diagnosis approach, appears to be: take your time and be kind to yourself. After all, I wasn't to know and you weren't to know that we were autistic. It took me 70+ years to find out and I am so glad I did. 

    My assessment was a revelation it was a single solution to why I had experienced such an disjointed life. Personally, I feel so relieved at having one answer to it all. Also, losing the “guilt” I have always felt about needing to be independent and have time to myself and not being able to be “take” to other people.  

    For me my assessment is like the opening of a safe where the other part of me has been for 70+ years. It bound to take some time assimilate.

    Best Wishes,
    Oscar

  • Hello Imekon,

    Welcome to the online community. Congratulations on your diagnosis. I am sure the community members will have lots of advice for you.

    In the meantime, you may find our After diagnosis section and About autism section useful.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Karin Mod