Hello everyone, I have checked out from here for a while as I've been struggling. But I kind of try and read little bits when my brain feels like a tornado. So, I was diagnosed a few years back now. I have left my family home with my ex husband and 16 year old autistic son and my youngest 15 year old son. I don't see them much, about once a week. I have no idea how to navigate life. It's been 9 months since I moved out and I can't find a routine. I can kind of work it out for myself....I can't sleep so I get up, have a bath, potter about cleaning. Then I'd log on for work. I've recently took voluntary severance from my job. I'm scared all the time where I'm going to get money. I keep trying to stay focused, do little bits. I have been to citizens advice so many times as I couldn't understand the divorce forms and my ex husband always hid financial stuff. I'm starting applying for jobs tomorrow. So, I'm trying to connect back a little bit. I had a complete meltdown at my family home when trying to sort some things with my ex and now my eldest won't talk to me as he had to speak to 111 on the phone when I was screaming for help, not my best moment. I keep asking for help but there isn't any. I'm hoping to get some grief counseling but when I chased that they said it's at least a year wait, I requested it initially when my dad died last year but now I feel like I'm grieving everything, all the people I have lost, my garden, I had such a lovely garden. And then I bumped into this old friend who I used to take to all her MS hospital appointments for 3 years. She blocked me when I left my husband, she said she couldn't believe I'd left, she thought we were so good. So I lost my friend, bumped into her 8 months later and she pretended everything was normal. She smiled, she asked how I was, she seemed surprised when I was telling her what happened since. I just can't move past this bit. It's like being a kid/teenager all over again when you don't understand humans at all. Anyway, thanks for listening
