Behaviours re-appearing

Not sure if you are going to like the start of this reply much but please read on. There are a lot of other threads on here with us adult Aspies and Auties trying to tell parents that there is no cure for autism.

Your son in young. A lot of so called autism professionals think that early intervention will result in better outcomes for children with autism, for them a better outcome is the child acting NT. Here acting is the most important word.

We are not NT. All we can do is replay strategies using our conscious mind to actively memorise, retrieve and then act out being NT. However, this leads to Aspie burnout, it is mentally exhausting, especially if it has to be done all day every day. Some NT so called autism experts think that training autistic people leads to a result like driving a car where it becomes ingrained and automatic to behave like an NT, it does not and never will, it takes an immense amount of effort.

Now here is the good news, start trying to think more like someone with autism, believe me unless you have autism you will never be able to get inside how we struggle with every part of the NT world, but you will have to try. Think, first, that everything has to be learned and memorised and repeated, so don't overload, just because one thing is learned doesn't mean it is easy and automatic to repeat it, it isn't.  Next every single autistic person is different from every other one, this is because the way we make sense of a totally alien and confusing world is individual to us, no two people have the same experiences and therefore no two people develop the same way of dealing with the world. Next, start listening to adult autistic people, we are the ones that can help you, not so-called expert NTs.

So, think about what is wrong with your son's behaviour. Is he overloaded? Why is each and every behaviour happening. Autistic people need ages to assess and understand things so if you want to ask him about his behaviour don't expect him to be able to give you an answer right away, give him lots of time to think about why he feels something. Never ask for information when he is upset, there is no spare capacity to think when trying to cope with lots of anxiety. As a child I would not have been able to give any coherent explanation for my behaviour, but I might have been able to say what would stop me from doing it again, so maybe don't ask about feelings but about a practical strategy so that the violent behaviour (for example) doesn't happen again. Don't look for reasons right now, your son is so young, I was a young adult before I could really answer those type of questions, but I knew what I needed to stop in my environment to prevent me from being selectively mute, or overloaded or scared or upset. Then of course you have to be prepared to change the environment to prevent the behaviour happening again.

Hope this is in someway helpful.

Not sure if you are going to like the start of this reply much but please read on. There are a lot of other threads on here with us adult Aspies and Auties trying to tell parents that there is no cure for autism.

Your son in young. A lot of so called autism professionals think that early intervention will result in better outcomes for children with autism, for them a better outcome is the child acting NT. Here acting is the most important word.

We are not NT. All we can do is replay strategies using our conscious mind to actively memorise, retrieve and then act out being NT. However, this leads to Aspie burnout, it is mentally exhausting, especially if it has to be done all day every day. Some NT so called autism experts think that training autistic people leads to a result like driving a car where it becomes ingrained and automatic to behave like an NT, it does not and never will, it takes an immense amount of effort.

Now here is the good news, start trying to think more like someone with autism, believe me unless you have autism you will never be able to get inside how we struggle with every part of the NT world, but you will have to try. Think, first, that everything has to be learned and memorised and repeated, so don't overload, just because one thing is learned doesn't mean it is easy and automatic to repeat it, it isn't.  Next every single autistic person is different from every other one, this is because the way we make sense of a totally alien and confusing world is individual to us, no two people have the same experiences and therefore no two people develop the same way of dealing with the world. Next, start listening to adult autistic people, we are the ones that can help you, not so-called expert NTs.

So, think about what is wrong with your son's behaviour. Is he overloaded? Why is each and every behaviour happening. Autistic people need ages to assess and understand things so if you want to ask him about his behaviour don't expect him to be able to give you an answer right away, give him lots of time to think about why he feels something. Never ask for information when he is upset, there is no spare capacity to think when trying to cope with lots of anxiety. As a child I would not have been able to give any coherent explanation for my behaviour, but I might have been able to say what would stop me from doing it again, so maybe don't ask about feelings but about a practical strategy so that the violent behaviour (for example) doesn't happen again. Don't look for reasons right now, your son is so young, I was a young adult before I could really answer those type of questions, but I knew what I needed to stop in my environment to prevent me from being selectively mute, or overloaded or scared or upset. Then of course you have to be prepared to change the environment to prevent the behaviour happening again.

Hope this is in someway helpful.