I was given my diagnosis over the phone about 3 weeks ago. I still haven't received the full report. My first feeling was relief, then I did a lot of processing of the past and felt some grief over various things. Then I started thinking about how to make more accommodations in my life.
Since then things have gone downhill. My mental health has been extremely bad to the extent that I feel so depressed and wake up crying every day. I'm unable to cope with daily life.
This has been made worse because I had to start back at work last week after 3 month sick leave for burnout. I couldn't afford to be off any longer because I was only getting paid SSP and I was scared of losing my job.
Also I had a big birthday. On my actual birthday I saw family but ended up having a meltdown after they left. I had a small party with friends planned for the next week but ended up cancelling it because I realised it would be too much for me. I don't feel like I can socialise because I can't put on my usual happy face and the people in my life are more casual friends for hanging out with and doing fun things rather than close friends I can confide in. I feel isolated and alone because I can't socialise and nobody is there for me.
My husband doesn't seem to know what to say. After the diagnosis he just said that it makes no difference because I'm still the same person. I've tried to explain that it is a big thing for me to process but he just acts like I'm being melodramatic. I've asked him for support but he doesn't seem to know what to do and just say things like he'll stay out of my way because I'm obviously in a bad mood and everything he does is wrong. I feel like he just wants me to go back to who I was when I could cope better with everything.
I've been trying to get NHS support but all the GP has given me is Talking Therapies and that makes me feel worse. The therapist challenges everything I say and confuses me. I've requested to change therapists but I don't know if it will help because I don't think many are experienced in working with ND people. There don't seem to be any autism support services in my area.
I feel like I'm losing my job, my friends and my husband and I have no capacity to stop any of it from happening. Could some of the way I feel be down to still processing my diagnosis?