Hello. Ive been with my partner for a few years now and from the start he told me he was autustic and would occasionally need time out to relax and reset his brain. I understood this fine. We were long distance for a while but moved in together a few months ago and things were ok until he had to go long distance again to go off to a job . Things were fine at first, hed video call each night, we would message occasionally through the day. Then he told me about all his colleagues who are all cheating on their partners with girls on the job and going home to their partners at the weekends(hes told me other things in the past about other people he has worked with too) he said "there are only a few good guys in this industry like me and so and so , the rest of the men are dogs" . My partner is out there for months as its not easy for him to get home. I started to worry he might meet someone out there too. So i guess i started to try too hard.
As someone whos been treated horribly by men before my alarm bells started ringing as he started to go pretty off with me , no emotion towards me , dismissive. One of the days he was out super late and didnt say goodnight like he usually did. He got in at 2am and sent me a screenshot with do not distub on showing me missed call id made. I instantly went defensive accusing him of things because the do not disturb was on not realising it goes on automatically . He blocked me and messaged my step mum telling her to look after me and he needed time to reset.
We managed to get through and talked through things. He said he was so stressed out being on a dangerous job and getting grief from me that his feelings of love for me were not there anymore but once hes calmed down everything will be fine again. Which i cant understand?
Over the next few weeks i noticed he was a more off with me and snapped at me for texting too much. I should have picked up something wasnt right as he was in bed very late (he usually stays in bed alot when hes struggling with burnout) but me being anxious started to message more, he started to get annoyed . He started to refuse video calls as they are "too much emotional energy" and when i offer to visit he refused saying that its a boring place. I started to worry he was hiding something from me that he didnt want me to see but i didnt say. Then one day i messaged him while he was showering and he replied so i replied back not expecting him to answer straight away and he blocks me everywhere. No way to contact him. No explaination. Im completely alone here as i uprooted my life to be with him. So i was very upset.
A week later i reached out after desperation and he told me that his stress levels are at maximum and he needs to take some time out to find his inner peace and reset his brain . Said hes sick of repeating himself and he just wants a normal boring life. Said his health isnt great, said in every relationship hes ever been in hes been accused of cheating and hes the most loyal person ever. He said he understands ive been hurt and i shouldnt be bringing my past trauma into new relationships. I had started new medication where the side effects are anxiety so he also said he would unblock me and to call him anytime if i was having bad thoughts as he himself took it and knows how serious it is. He reassured me with this call and spoke calmly and nicely to me.
But my question is. Is it normal for autistic partners to completely blank the people that love them ? Is it normal for them to tell you about other folk cheating all the time? Hes never given me a reason not to trust him but is it normal for autistic people to refuse video calls with the person who loves them. And do you think he will be able to love me again?
I am working on myself and my past trauma but i really wish he hadnt told me about what all these offshore men are doing. Its disgusting. Makes me wonder if the blocking and refusing to speak is a cover up . He get so defensive when i mention loyalty, he absolutely hates being accused of cheating, says it triggers him. Im guessing with being autistic you have a higher sense of justice and accusations would be much more hurtful.
Sorry this is a long post. Just trying to make sense of things. He was so excited about the future with me and my children and we bought the house, moved, i changed jobs everything. He encouraged me every step of the way. He does so much for me at home and is always thinking of little actions to make me smile.
Now i dont exist.
