Single adults autism / aspergers' with no children

I'd like to echo your response to the original post. I found out about Aspergers reading a newspaper article 4 years ago at the age of 62. 'Lightbulb moment'!! I am also at the manageable end of the spectrum but am so anxious about contacting ANYONE about it ... that it has taken me these past 4 years to register on this site and post anything.

I have not had a diagnosis and am now retired having also been able to hold down jobs and looking after myself but not being able to sustain a job for more than a few years at a time; so I tend to think that I will get the same type of response as you mention .....

'... likely to be accused of being a mis-diagnosis (... cannot possibly have been genuinely on the spectrum if I had an education and a job ...)'

'big enough to take care of myself'

'taking funds away from more important causes'

Just posting on here takes me a huge amount of effort. I will try to make contact with my local area NAS and see if there is someone there I can talk to 1-2-1.

longman said:

Hi cloud, your posting represents a well known issue. Most resources for autism are parent driven, and NAS itself originates from provision for parents.

Those with autism are seldom economically independent so unable to generate independent websites and resources, though there are other websites predominantly run by and for people on the spectrum. With this one you have to live and let live with two types of respondent - parents of children on the spectrum, who are the majority, and those with a diagnosis, over 18 if I recall the rules right, who tend to be few and far between.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers last year at the age of 27 and when I got my diagnosis it was like the missing piece of the puzzle had finally been found but I was also looking for advice and coping strategies to help me with some of the things that I have been struggling to deal with for years but rather frustratingly found a lot of the resources geared towards kids. I believe that there needs to be tailored advice for adults on the spectrum too because after all kids on the spectrum grow into adults on the spectrum and whilst they may have learnt how to best manage their behaviour as a child, people's needs change as they grow up.

I struggle financially but actually develop websites (and host them). I taught myself to do it about ten years ago and it's one of my special interests. I'd never thought to develop anything for adults on the spectrum as I don't feel that I know enough as yet but it's something I could do in the future perhaps.

I'm not sure how this turn in the discussion is supposed to help the original poster. I haven't detected any issue between the parents, posting about their children and the ASD adults like me. A parent with an autistic child is likely to have their hands more than full with their own child. How much attention are they supposed to muster or contribute about an ASD adult when other ASD adults here can make a more insightful contribution?

Also, I think it is entirely reasonable for them to do anything in their powers to improve the situation of their children. Do you want them to sit idly by whilst the world happens to their children? There are things that can be done to improve life for an autistic person.

I'm really truly sorry that ASD can be devastating for some people but I don't think that we should abandon all hope when the diagnosis is made.

I'm 26 and I was diagnosed with Asperger's aged 24. 

I spend the vast majority of my day on the Internet, not because I'm addicted or anything but from lack of anything else that interests me throughout the day (if there is something else that takes up my day, I don't suffer from lack of Internet...). I do, however, volunteer two full days and an hour or two on another day, although that's about to stop. My social anxiety and awkwardness was a major issue after I left education- one of the biggest reasons I went to college was to avoid getting a job! I hate the idea of coworkers and members of the public... nevertheless, a couple of weeks ago I was offered my first ever job, albeit part time. We'll see how that goes!

As for relationships, I'm an aromantic asexual, meaning I have never experienced sexual attraction and I have no urge to be in an emotional (romantic) relationship either. I have thought in the past about adoption but I have a large suspicion that I wouldn't be a good parent, not least because children unfortunately can't be switched off when they start to get annoying!

Social challenges... Like the others, I was bullied all through school. While I don't get bullied now as an adult, I still don't enjoy company. I think most issues that I've had, like anxiety and low self confidence, are things I have not overcome and may never overcome.

Welcome to the forum,

There are a few of us on the forum in similar but not not identical situations to yourself (we are all somewhat unique in my opinion) so you will get a variety of opinions on any question you want to ask. Check out our user profiles to see who is who or look at our postings to see what we have to say.

In addition to this forum, there are local adult autistic social groups. I haven't been along to one of those but have found that there is a very good and active nhs autism support service that is local to me that provides advice and assistance for anyone (adults and parents/children) that has a diagnosis (even a private one!). Do you know if there is something like that in your area?

Like longman, I've had bullying issues over the years from school through to employment. I've also had lots of disputes and confrontations which have arisen from my misunderstandings or from me being too trusting of others. I think there is a lot to be positive about as we can learn to get by with our condition. Like Longman, I know that it is senseless to try and cure or fix the condition but there are things you can do to have a better life.

:-)

Hi cloud, your posting represents a well known issue. Most resources for autism are parent driven, and NAS itself originates from provision for parents.

Those with autism are seldom economically independent so unable to generate independent websites and resources, though there are other websites predominantly run by and for people on the spectrum. With this one you have to live and let live with two types of respondent - parents of children on the spectrum, who are the majority, and those with a diagnosis, over 18 if I recall the rules right, who tend to be few and far between.

You are more likely to find people with autism in the Living with Autism topic box, but it just takes a bit more patience to find the regular correspondents who are representing their own personal experiences.

To respond to your question, I'm at the manageable end of aspergers, diagnosed aged 55, and have had a career, now retired. That means I'm likely to be accused of being a mis-diagnosis (as I cannot possibly have been genuinely on the spectrum if I had an education and a job - well its what you get - even on here); taking funds away from more important causes - (parents!); obviously self-diagnosed or privately diagnosed (apparently that's inferior) or deluded - in fact I have an NHS diagnosis at a diagnostic centre (though it did take me by surprise as well - it took a long time not to think they were over easy).

I was bullied right through school years and remained vulnerable to it as an adult, particularly workplace bullying. I'm big enough to take care of myself (as was so often pointed out). Part of the problem at school was that I could be egged on towards a meltdown by peers, I am very responsive to sudden movements and noises and complex environments with lots of people moving close around me. But also I do have real day to day problems following conversations and reacting to others in the right way.

With a diagnosis I have been able to analyse a lot of my difficult situations. For example I seem to have grown up almost addicted to bullying, actually tending to put myself into positions that make me deserving of being bullied. So late in life I have been able to see what happens and adopt more effective evasive tactics.

What I do think is immensely sad about this forum is that parents don't take much notice of the adults on the spectrum. They all seem convinced their children will grow out of it, or be cured, or somehow educated enough to avoid the pitfalls. Those of us who are adults on the spectrum seem to be viewed as wilful failures who didn't try hard enough. It is difficult to persuade parents that we are the future.