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Son diagnosed Autism Level 1 at age 23

NSO

Good afternoon, I hope that someone can guide on how to approach my son after diagnosis. He was diagnosed 5 days ago and as soon as I try to talk about what I have been researching he becomes overwhelmed.

He was diagnosed with ADHD back in 2022 and only after suffering from social anxiety, depression and IBS the youth mental health team started to suspect the autism. This has now been confirm and we were told to contact the GP and ask for an autism support package. I have made the appointment but I am clueless and have no idea which support or how much support he can get.

He currently has been living with me and his little sister after suspending Uni when he had 8 months left to finish his degree, it's been nearly two years and it does not seem he will ever return. I had breast cancer last year and it has become crucial that he becomes an independent adult because I do not know how the future will look like for me. It has also  been very difficult to live with him as since he is back home his attitude has become aggressive to the point I barely talk to him.

I want to help him but I am not sure I am the right mother for him, I am not sure I have the patience any longer.

Parents

  • Hi, I was also relatively late diagnosed at age 25. It is a lot to process and 5 days is still very short. I had suspected for a while I might be autistic and it still really affected me when I got the diagnosis and it brought up all kinds of feelings and thoughts. I would say I am still processing 4 years later. I would give him time - he knows he can talk to you if he wants to - I wouldn’t push it. In terms of being aggressive towards you autism Is no excuse for that though sometimes when we are struggling or frustrated it can burst out and end up being directed around those around us. I am not proud of it but I have at times said things that are not very nice to my mum- we don’t live together so it was mainly over the phone- I usually didn’t even realise I was feeling really frustrated and then before I knew it it just burst out  and was unfairly directed towards her which is unacceptable. I then always really regret it and I am generally very considerate and careful to not hurt anyone’s feelings - I am now getting better at recognising when I am in this mood and just don’t talk to people then but when this first started happening it took me by surprise and the damage was done before I knew it. It only happened with people I feel very comfortable with probably as I mask less with them, which makes it even worse. I am ashamed of this but thought I would share in case something similar may be happening with your son. 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Hi Ann, thanks for the advice. I got tearful reading your message.

    I will leave him alone for now. It has been hard to  process it for me too, I mostly feel guilty for not paying enough attention to things that I only thought were his personality. Now reading about autism it becomes very obvious that something was off but our family lives abroad, it may have been discovered if we didn't move country and that's my doing.

    I hope he can get out of the social anxiety and depression soon.

    Thank you again, have a nice weekend.

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  • in reply to Ann :)

    Hi Ann, thanks for the advice. I got tearful reading your message.

    I will leave him alone for now. It has been hard to  process it for me too, I mostly feel guilty for not paying enough attention to things that I only thought were his personality. Now reading about autism it becomes very obvious that something was off but our family lives abroad, it may have been discovered if we didn't move country and that's my doing.

    I hope he can get out of the social anxiety and depression soon.

    Thank you again, have a nice weekend.

Children
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