New diagnoses and Autistic burn out

Laura2275 1 day ago

Hi I am a 40 year old female and have recently (within the last month) been diagnosed with ASD. The reason I requested the assessment was because my anxiety and what I believed was depression was getting to an unmanageable level and counselling and medication were not helping. I now know the reason being was because I am autistic and my symptoms are likely due to autistic burn out. I have yet to receive any help or support from my GP. I have no idea what to do. I feel like I have this massive weight on me to continue to function as “normal” when it feels the whole of me is too tired to do anything. I took a week off work to try and relax and did nothing but it doesn’t seem to help. I keep seeing things saying to let my stims run free and focus on my special interests. I also see things about using my comforts. My issue is that all of these things are things that I have masked from everyone including myself. Does anyone know how I can start getting use to my new “normal” and how to find out what my body needs to start relaxing. Thank you

Bunny 41 minutes ago in reply to Laura2275

You're welcome! I just wanted to add some thoughts about your reply below:

Laura2275 said:
My partner is great but he doesn’t really understand what is happening and how to support me at the moment

The NAS has some advice here:

NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

He might also find this book useful. It aims to help people better understand and communicate with their autistic partners. As the autistic person in my couple, I also found it helpful myself:

Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

A couple of points to mention:

- The latest diagnostic manuals no longer use "Asperger's"; people who would previously have received that diagnosis are instead now included under autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder.

- Between discussing one scenario and the next, the author often switches which partner is autistic. Although it's done for a good reason (to avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes in autism), it can be a bit frustrating to follow - I made notes in the margin to help me.

If you both think it might help, you could consider couples counselling, ideally with a counsellor who has experience in supporting autistic people.
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Laura2275 1 hour ago in reply to Lonehare12

Thank you. It is all overwhelming at the moment and feels a little lonely. My partner is great but he doesn’t really understand what is happening and how to support me at the moment
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Laura2275 1 hour ago in reply to Bunny

Thank you
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Bunny 2 hours ago
Congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

As for many others, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting, rather than a conclusion with instant solutions. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months, and others covering the kinds of support that you can access. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including:

Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis

Formal support following an autism diagnosis

What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

Therapy or counselling (tailored to the needs of autistic people) are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. My own counselling, for example, focused on how my experiences of, and late diagnosis of, autism have impacted me.

Before arranging anything you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

I'll also mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

Laura2275 said:
my symptoms are likely due to autistic burn out

Alongside continuing to seek support from your GP, you might find the advice and suggested strategies in these NAS resources helpful:

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS Professional Practice - Understanding autistic burnout

NAS - Seeking help with mental health

There's also some great (free) advice here from Dr Megan Neff - a neurodivergent author, clinician and advocate:

Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

I also have this book of hers. It's very user-friendly, including lots of diagrams and worksheets:

The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan

I hope that some of the information here is helpful.
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Lonehare12 2 hours ago

HiLaura2275 and welcome

Im sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Getting a diagnosis can bring a mixture of feelings. It takes time to get to know yourself and what helps you feel better.

I listened to lots of podcasts and found this place where you can interact with people who have lived experience.

I hope you start to feel better soon.
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