Older late diagnosed or self identifying people, do you ever wonder how you made it to adulthood?

Hi Roy

Yep! Diagnosed earlier this year, 62, oldest grandson as a baby showed clear autism traits, he’s now 13 & we’re happily ND together. But, boy, what a life-I was adopted, my abuser was my “mother” -name on certificate-also diagnosed with PTSD, misdiagnosed with depression because my masking has always been so impressive (doing it since I was 4, she had 3 of her own after “choosing me because she felt sorry for me “, the only silent baby in a room of 14 babies, all the others crying.) So, masking all through my childhood, being what she wanted me to be, 1st major shutdown at 14, 4 months wiped out, gross psychological bullying (classic narcissistic abuse, I did my best to be a big protective sister to the little ones & probably made it worse for myself because I wasn’t hers). I left home at 18 without telling anyone, just went; it really hit home how vulnerable I’d been when my own daughter left home at the same age, into her own flat with a job, me, just, train to London. My daughter had her mum, & her dad, as support, me, no one.

The “mother” has had an impact on my family in my grown up life. I’ll admit, my choices of partners has been less than perfect; my daughter’s father is Swiss, he refused to live in the UK so when she was 5 our marriage broke up. I worked, then trained, as a teacher of English as a second language, in Switzerland, & met my second husband at a school in the UK. That was a disastrous mistake, the marriage failed very quickly, soon after the birth of our son.  I was then raising my 2 children together on my own; 4 years later, my son’s father attempted to gain residency of our son, &, with the support of my adoptive mother, he succeeded. My son, at the age of 5, had to leave his sister & his mum in Sussex & live in Yorkshire with his father, his father’s landlady, & a nanny. It broke my, & his sister’s, heart, The relationship with the adoptive mother has never recovered. She has subsequently said that she would do the same again. 
Sadly, that adoptive mother has now completely lost her mind. Until 2 years ago, she was living independently in her own home, with her beloved garden. I had been helping her; as, geographically, the closest sibling, it seemed right to drive down a couple of times a week, take her out, or spend time with her, & it seemed to go well, a couple of times I stayed overnight. Then, on my son’s birthday, I said something, & she walked out. It stopped. Her real daughter then moved her to a home close to where she lives, in Manchester, & that is that.

I do the decent thing, send flowers & a card when I should. No one lets me know how she is. I’m sort of in touch with my youngest brother (he remembers me looking after him when we were kids!) he knows about my diagnosis, I don’t know if he’s told either of the other 2 . I feel very alone. My daughter & grandsons mean the world to me; I stole a photo from my adoptive mother of my son’s family, him, his wife, 2 children, & that is saved.

Genuinely, since diagnosis, every now & then I get this huge urge to scream! & I’ve never been like that. I used to play badminton, had a particularly vicious smash; I found my racket in the cupboard upstairs, picked it up, swung it, & remembered the osteoarthritis in my shoulders (2 hips already replaced)!! Late diagnosis sucks!

Hi Roy

Yep! Diagnosed earlier this year, 62, oldest grandson as a baby showed clear autism traits, he’s now 13 & we’re happily ND together. But, boy, what a life-I was adopted, my abuser was my “mother” -name on certificate-also diagnosed with PTSD, misdiagnosed with depression because my masking has always been so impressive (doing it since I was 4, she had 3 of her own after “choosing me because she felt sorry for me “, the only silent baby in a room of 14 babies, all the others crying.) So, masking all through my childhood, being what she wanted me to be, 1st major shutdown at 14, 4 months wiped out, gross psychological bullying (classic narcissistic abuse, I did my best to be a big protective sister to the little ones & probably made it worse for myself because I wasn’t hers). I left home at 18 without telling anyone, just went; it really hit home how vulnerable I’d been when my own daughter left home at the same age, into her own flat with a job, me, just, train to London. My daughter had her mum, & her dad, as support, me, no one.

The “mother” has had an impact on my family in my grown up life. I’ll admit, my choices of partners has been less than perfect; my daughter’s father is Swiss, he refused to live in the UK so when she was 5 our marriage broke up. I worked, then trained, as a teacher of English as a second language, in Switzerland, & met my second husband at a school in the UK. That was a disastrous mistake, the marriage failed very quickly, soon after the birth of our son.  I was then raising my 2 children together on my own; 4 years later, my son’s father attempted to gain residency of our son, &, with the support of my adoptive mother, he succeeded. My son, at the age of 5, had to leave his sister & his mum in Sussex & live in Yorkshire with his father, his father’s landlady, & a nanny. It broke my, & his sister’s, heart, The relationship with the adoptive mother has never recovered. She has subsequently said that she would do the same again. 
Sadly, that adoptive mother has now completely lost her mind. Until 2 years ago, she was living independently in her own home, with her beloved garden. I had been helping her; as, geographically, the closest sibling, it seemed right to drive down a couple of times a week, take her out, or spend time with her, & it seemed to go well, a couple of times I stayed overnight. Then, on my son’s birthday, I said something, & she walked out. It stopped. Her real daughter then moved her to a home close to where she lives, in Manchester, & that is that.

I do the decent thing, send flowers & a card when I should. No one lets me know how she is. I’m sort of in touch with my youngest brother (he remembers me looking after him when we were kids!) he knows about my diagnosis, I don’t know if he’s told either of the other 2 . I feel very alone. My daughter & grandsons mean the world to me; I stole a photo from my adoptive mother of my son’s family, him, his wife, 2 children, & that is saved.

Genuinely, since diagnosis, every now & then I get this huge urge to scream! & I’ve never been like that. I used to play badminton, had a particularly vicious smash; I found my racket in the cupboard upstairs, picked it up, swung it, & remembered the osteoarthritis in my shoulders (2 hips already replaced)!! Late diagnosis sucks!