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Relationships & Touch Aversion

Bets

Hey everyone, I’m writing this to kind of offload but also see if anyone else struggles with something similar, I’m not really looking for a solution here because there probably isn’t one. 

I’m 19 and I’ve never been in a proper relationship before. My main struggle with the idea of them is the fact that I am touch-averse. There is no kind of touch I like (not soft not tight and no specific parts of my body I prefer people to touch). I don’t like it at all. Unfortunately I also do really desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone. 

It’s hard because touch is such a huge part of relationships. Hugs, kisses, holding hands and sex - these are all things I could never do and I’m not saying that lightly. I see other people my age doing these things easily and it hurts because I also desire it as well I just can’t cope with people in my personal space. 

idk, anyone relate?

  • To be honest a lot of autistic people would probably be fine having a relationship with not a lot of touching, it's a relatively common autistic experience from what I've seen, that, and having a high sex drive all while finding sex itself not pleasant or satisfying. I wouldn't want to be touched too often and there's certain parts of my body (arms, legs) I'd absolutely hate getting touched on. I've never liked kissing either, always feels really alien and not pleasant.

  • Hi, I can't say that I relate, or how much, but I get it at least partially. There might be a solution,  although hard to implement. If you find someone like you, someone who wants intimacy without touch, maybe that would be satisfying for you? Intimacy may be in many various ways, communicating in some ways, sitting next to one another, some deep conversation etc. 

    I can say, I got used to physical intimacy, but when I was your age, for me the idea of kissing someone was awful. Then I started feeling the urge to kiss someone,  but when I finally did I felt deeply disappointed and actually hayed that. I started daydreaming and having my perfect partner and perfect intimacy in my daydreams, but not being able to fulfill it in real life. Now I have intimacy.acy with my husband, but for me it's a connection of two bodies and two souls. I often feel no or very little arousal and I don't even need it. I'm just satisfied with being as close as possible with the person I love. I don't like saying "I love you" maybe because this word's meaning not precise enough fir me. I usually answer "me too" and it kinda feels uncomfortable.  But I say what I know, my partner expects. What I really like saying and I also say it: "I'm happy, that you are here with me". And this is precisely, what I mean.

    I wish you luck. I know it hurts not being able to really satisfy your needs and being so different than peers.

  • Hi bets,

    Thank you for sharing your experience. 

    it may be helpful to read our pages on socialising and relationships: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/family-life-and-relationships 

    Best wishes,

    Alice