Hi,
I am a high functioning (and masking) autistic woman. I am in desperate need for advice and don’t know who or where to turn to. would so appreciate it if you could give me your opinion. Apologies in advance for the long and probably confusing message, I have trouble keeping things concise and on point.
Context (in case you want to skip it)
I have been a high school art teacher for 25 years. I have multiple autoimmune diseases which complicate my t and daily life. Nevertheless, I have always muddled through, even though I feel that I am only functioning at work and as soon as I am home, my whole body collapses. My health problems make it difficult to do anything repetitive, and I can’t work more than one day in a row. I also need siestas. My health has deteriorated over the last few years and in addition to that, I feel that I need more and more effort to function at work. Well, actually, to leave home, sit for 2.5 hours in noisy and crowded public transport, trying to evade all colleagues, pretend to be interested in meetings, scripting all and every conversation with adults, not freaking out or dramatizing every time I receive an email, etc, etc…I am teaching at an expensive private school where students are clients and not really students. We have more and more entitled, lazy and rude students. Don’t get me started on the parents! When they don’t work/are rude, etc or the parents complain about the grades, I worry about the ensuing discussion for days (and nights!). Actually, whenever I have to hand out grades, I can’t sleep for two days. They should worry, not me!
What I need advice on:
I love teaching art itself, I get lost in discussions with students and I love explaining and helping with techniques. It is the only time I actually don’t feel stressed out talking. Being one of my special interests, I get carried away talking about it and often students and teacher tell me how they appreciate having such an enthusiastic and empathetic teacher. As soon as another adult comes into the classroom I turn a mumbling mess. This school year has been particularly difficult with regards to the students and their parents. I have finally imploded in July. My family doctor was shocked to realize the amount of problems I am facing every day, he had no idea I was masking so much. Well, I never told him as I am already feeling I’m a nuisance for consulting him so often for my physical ailments. He want me to apply for disability benefits which is laughably small and wouldn’t even cover my food shopping. I would never get full benefits, the idea is to reduce my workload from 75 percent to 50 percent. My doctor wants me to completely abandon teaching. I have looked into other employment options for several years and with my physical limitations, the only thing I can really do for a longer amount of time is talking. I can’t sit or stand for a long time or do repetetive movements (like typing). Great for someone who has trouble communicating, isn’t it? Therefore, I feel teacher it is. I have tried teaching languages but couldn’t talk and scripted everything. Ideally, I would like to continue working as an art teacher, but with less hours. My partner and my doctor feel that this wouldn’t change anything, as my social interactions would remain, but on a slightly smaller scale. I understand this and agree with it but I don’t know.. I kind of hope that a new therapy (how many have I had!?) would help me to burn out less during the work day so that I could continue working as an art teacher. Do you think that is a really bad Idea? I know I have to learn to stress less about students not working or getting bad grades. Ideally, I would like to ask my employer to allow me not to attend all meetings, but it might not be possible as it is part of a teacher’s job. Do you have any idea what accommodations I could ask for that would help me? My brain is frizzed, my thoughts are turning in circles, and I can’t come up with new ideas.
Any ideas? Again, apologies for the length of this stream of consciousness.
Big wave
Mibl
