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Seeking advice on post-diagnosis burnout and recovery

CrysX

I’m a 46-year-old mother of three, one week post-autism diagnosis. I am currently off work, deep in burnout and skill regression, and I have no idea how to move forward.


​I've realised my home environment is challenging for rest and when I finally get a moment alone, the internal pressure from my lifetime of masking makes it impossible to begin to rest and switch off my constant thought processes.


​I knew communication has always been an issue but it seems to have become a source of constant friction between me and my partner now we are fully aware of it.   I’m also struggling to identify my own emotions,  I've always had this problem too which makes this all even harder.


​I feel alone. I don’t know where to start—is it counseling? Work adjustments? How do I even begin to unmask and recover? If anyone has been through this transition, how did you find your footing? Any advice on how to start this process would mean the world to me. 

  • Following a diagnosis, it can be common for us to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation - I've linked to an article below about this. I also felt completely exhausted after my own diagnosis - you might find this article helpful on that front:

    NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

    After getting over that initial impact, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting, rather than a conclusion with instant solutions. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months, and others covering the kinds of support that you can access. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

    NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

    Before arranging anything, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

    I'll also just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

    Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

    How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

    CrysX said:
    ​I knew communication has always been an issue but it seems to have become a source of constant friction between me and my partner now we are fully aware of it.

    In respect of this, the NAS has some advice here that you might find helpful:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    You might also find this book helpful. It aims to help couples (within which one just person is autistic) by improving your mutual understanding and communication. It also includes some exercises that you can complete and discuss, if you like, as part of that process:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    A couple of points to mention:

    - The latest diagnostic manuals no longer use "Asperger's"; this is now included under autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder.

    - Between discussing one scenario and the next, the author frequently switches the gender identity of the autistic party. This was done to avoid reinforcing stereotypes and can require some effort to keep checking, but I do think it's worth it.

    You could also consider couples counselling, ideally with a counsellor who has experience in helping autistic people.

    Finally, some extra resources about burnout, which you might find helpful - perhaps along with some support from your GP:

    NAS Professional Practice - Understanding autistic burnout

    NAS - Seeking help with mental health

    There's also some great (free) advice here from Dr Megan Neff - a neurodivergent author, clinician and advocate:

    Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

    I also have this book of hers. It's very user-friendly, including lots of diagrams and worksheets:

    The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan

    I hope that some of the information here is helpful. I'm sorry it's so much all in one go, including the links. But hopefully it will help to have all of this in one place, which you could perhaps bookmark and return to as you take your time going through the various resources.