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Wanting Independence

bmmartin2003

As an autistic woman, I’ve always strived to be as independent as possible. I’ve wanted to be independent for as long as I can remember. As well as autism, I have learning difficulties too. Despite these difficulties as well as cerebral palsy, I do not want to allow anyone or anything to prevent me from doing so, but I know I have my limits.

One day, I want to move out of my parents house and have a home of my own and continue building a life of independence. A life where I can decide what’s best for myself and not because of anyone else. However, I am also highly aware of the fact that my kindness and compassion could get me into trouble. This sometimes makes me anxious and sometimes I also feel upset or angry and I find myself thinking and feeling: “What can I really do on my own?” Or “what kind of life could I build?” 

Normally, I’m a very positive person, but I also know that you can’t help how you’re feeling. 

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

Parents

  • I think it's a very good question, and one that more people should ask, NT's too, society has pathways laid out for personal developement, school, colleg/uni then work, marriage, kids owning a house etc. This is braking down because of the economy, house prices lack of employment opportunities, let alone meaningful and fulfilling work. On top of this you have the added complications that come with disabilities, we all do here to a greater or lesser extent.

    You say you're independent as you can be now, how many of those things would change if you lived on your own? How can you learn to do the things you feel less confident about now that you'll need in the future?

    I think we're all aware of our tendencies to put to much trust in other, or the wrong others at least, I think just being aware of this is a strength as it allows you to weigh more carefully if what someone offers you is real, what you want, things that you learn or do that are outside of your comfort zone. I don't see it being judgemental, but as being discerning and as such being more considered and might even make you less likely to be taken in. Being angry is a sign that things aren't right, whether its in your personal life, your work life or society as a whole, of course you can feel angry with yourself too, its worth listening to these feelings as they will help you to see where the pit falls lie, I mean I know we all get angry with yourselves for things we struggle with, threading needles, ironing more creases into out clothes than we iron out, in my case, how can I do a proper academic degree and yet go to pieces when confronted with a form?

    Just try and be the best you, you can be, yeah you'll get some things wrong, but you'll get a lot right too and if you approach life with the attitude of never making the same mistake twice, you won't do to badly.

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  • I think it's a very good question, and one that more people should ask, NT's too, society has pathways laid out for personal developement, school, colleg/uni then work, marriage, kids owning a house etc. This is braking down because of the economy, house prices lack of employment opportunities, let alone meaningful and fulfilling work. On top of this you have the added complications that come with disabilities, we all do here to a greater or lesser extent.

    You say you're independent as you can be now, how many of those things would change if you lived on your own? How can you learn to do the things you feel less confident about now that you'll need in the future?

    I think we're all aware of our tendencies to put to much trust in other, or the wrong others at least, I think just being aware of this is a strength as it allows you to weigh more carefully if what someone offers you is real, what you want, things that you learn or do that are outside of your comfort zone. I don't see it being judgemental, but as being discerning and as such being more considered and might even make you less likely to be taken in. Being angry is a sign that things aren't right, whether its in your personal life, your work life or society as a whole, of course you can feel angry with yourself too, its worth listening to these feelings as they will help you to see where the pit falls lie, I mean I know we all get angry with yourselves for things we struggle with, threading needles, ironing more creases into out clothes than we iron out, in my case, how can I do a proper academic degree and yet go to pieces when confronted with a form?

    Just try and be the best you, you can be, yeah you'll get some things wrong, but you'll get a lot right too and if you approach life with the attitude of never making the same mistake twice, you won't do to badly.

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