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35yrs old and masking its becoming a chore but anxiety rules

TinkB

Hi all,

Im new here, thank you for having me and if you're reading, thank you for that too.

I was late diagnosed, still awaiting ADHD meds, though am quite on the fence with that idea.

My problem however, is that I have always masked my way through life, amending body language and speech to fit the situation. Since diagnosis, iv done a lot of reading and trying to unmask, letting the authentic me come out. But now, here is my problem, I'm struggling to mask when i need to.

I work full time and have a 10yr old son. Life is pretty standard, we both live with quite strict routines of our own but together also. I pay bills (well i also have a lot of debt too), i cook, i clean but I am struggling. I dont seem to be able to find a balance of work/ home life working full time, I am in a constant state of anxiety and exhaustion, making masking even more necessary.

I do try to keep on top of self care to try and ease the feelings, i sleep between 6-8hrs a night, more on weekends and I eat reasonably healthy. Iv tried my grounding techniques and reaching out for help with friends and family thou they tend to be too busy or Im just being dramatic.

If you have any suggestions that could help, please throw them my way.

x

Parents

  • I was diagnosed 3 years ago at 59. I too have masked all my life. I didn't even know I was doing it most of the time.

    These days I try and think of it like this: I can choose to mask when I want, and if I do it's no longer to protect me from neurotypicals - it's to protect neurotypicals from me!

    I'm still the same autistic person that I was before I was diagnosed, but now I know what's going on. (For example: I now know about sensory overload. I had thought I was slightly deaf!) I know I can get exhausted and overwhelmed, and that it's important to take time out to recharge where I can, away from people and overstimulation. Just a few minutes here and there does help. I'm fortunate that I don't have a lot of demands on me, but I still make sure I take that time when I need it. 

  • in reply to NAS94431

    Thank you. I think this is where I need to get better, that accepting and making the time for me through the day. Although I work from home, I find I can go hrs where I dont move from hyperfocus and then the anxiety almost hits as a realisation. 

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